Mountains and Valleys

The past almost two weeks have been filled with very high peaks and deep valleys.

Brian and I found out that we were going to have another baby and we were absolutely excited. 

Last Tuesday, I lost our precious baby.  We went from such elation to profound sorrow in so short of a time and my grief has been the deepest valley I have ever walked through.  All of our dreams for this baby were cut short; I am heartbroken that I will never get to cuddle our little one or see Ethan and Luke play with their sibling.  Watching Ethan grieve too has been wrenching.

One of my favorite worship songs has been running through my mind since this happened:

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

He gives and takes away
He gives and takes away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be your name

In my grief, the lines "He gives and takes away" really speaks to me.  For whatever reason, God chose to give us the amazing gift of a precious baby and then take it away.  We don't know why this happened but even in our grief, we choose to bless His name since I know God is still good.  In anything hard, we have the choice to either react to or against God.  My choice is simple: to either grow closer to God in the hard times or blame Him for something I don't understand.  I've spent a lot of time in prayer over the past nearly two weeks that have been some of the hardest times of my life.

In our grief, I haven't been able to write or much else.  I've been so thankful for amazing friends and family and especially my husband who has been incredibly supportive.  This is the first time that I have actually felt like writing since and so I hope to continue to blog but I will probably be somewhat sporadic as I continue to grieve and recover especially all of the stress caused a fibro flare up.  We would appreciate your prayers as we continue to grieve our precious baby.  Thanks.