The events of this weekend have driven me to confront some questions about myself. Ethan is starting kindergarten in just a few weeks and so I went back to school shopping for him. After being out for a few hours (like a normal person!), I came home and crashed (like the fibro girl I am) and spent a good part of the day back on the couch much like the past several weekends.
Herein are my questions: why does it seem like my weekends always culminate in me being absolutely exhausted, in pain, and completely unproductive? And, more importantly, why do I still expect things to be different?
The first question seems to be one of me trying to evaluate what I need to do differently with my health routine so I can avoid these crashes. However, my typical over-analytical self starts evaluating my perception of the whole thing. Am I really that much worse on the weekends or is it just that since Brian is home, I can actually give myself permission to curl up in a little ball? I know the kids aren't going to go hungry or at least live only on rice crispies treats or fruit snacks...well, they probably do that anyway on the weekends given the snack box in the pantry seems to be surprisingly empty Monday mornings... But, I digress...
The more important of these questions is the second one: why do I still expect to have normal weekends and plan to get a bunch of stuff accomplished for the start of the next week? I have done this continually for the past several weeks, deliberately putting things off for the weekend with the ludicrous assumption that somehow, it will be easier to accomplish it during the weekend. Clearly, this has not gone well.
As we all know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I think I am now meeting that definition. As the old adage in my psychology classes went, "Neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them, and psychologists collect the rent". Like many of my friends, we were studying to "collect the rent" and help people, but now I've realized paying rent to yourself is a bit difficult, unless of course, you have multiple personalities to make this work efficiently. And if it is not now entirely obvious, I have spent way too much time sitting on the couch thinking about all of this. I probably need to get to planning everything I am going to get done next weekend.