Starbucks, We Have a Problem

I have been drinking way too much coffee lately; coffee is one of my go to comfort items and with my fibro flaring and getting sick a few times after losing our baby in September, we'll just say that there is some in the coffee pot more often than not these days. 

The problem is that my three year old Luke is just like his mama in his love for the beverage and despite my attempts to get him off it, his java addiction remains.  His usual modus operandi is to sneak coffee from other people's cups so the unsuspecting mug owner looks down to find theirs either gone or at a significantly lower level.  People are most often surprised to find that he likes it and shocked to learn that he screams, "NEED COFFEE!!!" if I have it and refuse to give him some (this is decaf too, might I add, just in case you were concerned).

The general consensus for treatment was to give him black coffee and then he'd get over it really fast.  I was about to try it when it happened unintentionally one day without success.

Luke pulled over a chair to get to the coffee pot with cold, black coffee in it and had at it.  I think I have the only preschooler on the planet that likes black coffee, room temperature nonetheless.  At least it was decaf...  So, the black coffee deterrent method is a no go so anyone have any other ideas? 

Moving Forward

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their support and patience over the past month and a half since we lost our precious baby.  I truly appreciate it and I cannot express enough how much this has meant to me.  I can honestly say that this has been the hardest time in my life and while I am doing much better now, I still definitely have moments. 

Physically, I've been struggling to get healthy since we lost the baby;  the miscarriage caused my fibro to flare up and my immune system to crash so I've spent the past few month and a half dealing with bronchitis and sinus infections.  Emotionally, I cannot yet walk through the baby section at Target or even by the maternity clothes department at Kohl's.  I notice every pregnant lady around me and didn't expect to break down in tears when I found out a friend is due the same week I would have been despite the fact I am so excited for them.  I also don't think our culture knows how to deal with grief very well; it isn't a comfortable topic for most people and thus we tend to resort to anecdotal sayings in hope of comforting the person.  Being on this side of it now, I have to admit that the most comforting thing for me was people just gave me a hug and told me that they are praying for me and my family.  One friend admitted to me that she didn't know what to say as we cried together and really, she didn't need to say anything. 

After staring at a wall and crying for far too long, I felt like I needed to do something with my grief.  Hence began my search for a sapphire ring since that is September's birthstone which, as Brian said, to focus on the time that we did have rather than the time when our baby would have been born.  Me, in my ignorance, thought I was asking for a cheap ring probably no more than $30 for a nice one (feel free to insert sarcastic laughter).  I did find one as high as $1200 which made me laugh inwardly since I remembered the quote, "Is that dollars?  $1200?!!!  A cake is flour and water!  My first car didn't cost $1200!"  Good old Father of the Bride...  Probably a good thing that I didn't quote it out loud though.

While looking for a ring, I realized that jewelry cases are extremely tempting for children to press their faces against thus leaving scary looking facial imprints.  Specific children also enjoy trying on jewelry.  That would explain why some jewelers have areas set up for children with coloring books and crayons.

Seriously though, I found a fabulous one on sale at Kohl's for not too much above what I was originally planning thanks to a sale and I wear it often in remembrance our baby and God's goodness even when things aren't good.  God's grace has definitely been poured down on us in the form of friends and family who have stood by us, been there, and encouraged us as we move forward.  Thanks again.

Mountains and Valleys

The past almost two weeks have been filled with very high peaks and deep valleys.

Brian and I found out that we were going to have another baby and we were absolutely excited. 

Last Tuesday, I lost our precious baby.  We went from such elation to profound sorrow in so short of a time and my grief has been the deepest valley I have ever walked through.  All of our dreams for this baby were cut short; I am heartbroken that I will never get to cuddle our little one or see Ethan and Luke play with their sibling.  Watching Ethan grieve too has been wrenching.

One of my favorite worship songs has been running through my mind since this happened:

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

He gives and takes away
He gives and takes away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be your name

In my grief, the lines "He gives and takes away" really speaks to me.  For whatever reason, God chose to give us the amazing gift of a precious baby and then take it away.  We don't know why this happened but even in our grief, we choose to bless His name since I know God is still good.  In anything hard, we have the choice to either react to or against God.  My choice is simple: to either grow closer to God in the hard times or blame Him for something I don't understand.  I've spent a lot of time in prayer over the past nearly two weeks that have been some of the hardest times of my life.

In our grief, I haven't been able to write or much else.  I've been so thankful for amazing friends and family and especially my husband who has been incredibly supportive.  This is the first time that I have actually felt like writing since and so I hope to continue to blog but I will probably be somewhat sporadic as I continue to grieve and recover especially all of the stress caused a fibro flare up.  We would appreciate your prayers as we continue to grieve our precious baby.  Thanks.

Getting Crafty

My sister in-law is getting married this week and I'm privileged to be one of her bridesmaids.  As one of my duties, I made the bow bouquet for the rehearsal from the bows and ribbons from the gifts from one of her showers.  Since she is registered at Pottery Barn, there were a bunch of beautifully wrapped gifts from there all sporting the same sage green grosgrain ribbon and silk flower embellishment.  And that is about where I started to get carried away...

All the ribbons, flowers and bows matched.  They seemed far too fun to just tape them on a paper plate.  So I had to do something pretty with them right?

I started with making the white ribbon into ribbon rosettes by hand stitching them and I thought they came out super cute.  All I had to do was to gather and circularly attach one side of the ribbon and a rosette was born.  I think I was a little too proud of myself for being able to do it even though my hands hurt from the fibro pain after a little while with it but it was a small victory in crafty-ness for me.

I used a Styrofoam ball and wooden dowel to make the form of the bouquet and started by hot gluing the green ribbon over it. 

I wired the ribbon with florist's wire to stick into the Styrofoam.  Yay for needle-nose pliers!  These ended up being my must-have tool since my fingers were getting raw from twisting the wire and then forcing the ends into the Styrofoam until I realized that the pliers could grip it for me.  Revolutionary.  The long green ribbons ended up looking really fluffy and foliage-like as I tucked the loops around the "flowers".

At this point, I started to get excited since it actually looked like a bouquet and not just a mess of ribbons and bows.  My fear that this would turn out to be an embarrassing wad was beginning to look like it might have been unfounded.

I wrapped the dowel "stems" with another ribbon, added a charm that was on one of the gifts, and tied a bow.  This was all held together with pretty much all the glue that my glue gun came with when I purchased it.  So, if a little is good and more is better, then all of it has to be the ideal, right?  I think I got a little heavy handed with it but there was no way I wanted that thing to fall apart after spending hours working on it.  And what is more, my sister in-law loved it when I gave it to her early since my boys were taking a keen interest in it.  I think they thought that it looked like a great alternative weapon to battle with instead of only light sabers.  While I was being crafty, they were trying to figure out how to destroy things; there is a profound difference between girls and boys.

Happy crafting!

Christmas in September?

I would like to formally register my complaint:

Friday night, Brian, Ethan, Luke and I went to Kohl's and noticed all the seasonal displays; very fun but the wrong season given that one of the displays featured Christmas tress and ornaments.  I would like to note that Fall officially starts on September the 23rd this year according to my calendar.  Christmas occurs in winter, last time I checked.  According to my math, this display is up more than three months before the actual holiday occurs.  That is one quarter of the year spent with Christmas decorations available for purchase at our local Kohl's.

I now have proof that Christmas is starting earlier and earlier each year.  I used to think it was bad when the Christmas decorations came out the day after Halloween since it seemed like Thanksgiving was being swallowed up by the ravenously hungry reindeer but now it seems that Halloween is a casualty too.  I mean, we haven't even had school pictures yet!  And my boys are already asking about getting out tree up...

This time of year should be spent drinking pumpkin spice lattes and enjoying the beauty God created in the changing colors of the leaves and giving thanks for everything He has provided.  Somehow, beginning the focus on the commercial takeover of the holiday of Christ's birth really ruins it for me.  It bothers me that we, as a culture, have to be continually be looking out for the next best and great thing without being able to appreciate all that we have been blessed with, hence my soapboxy rant.  It is my sneaking suspicion that the retailers believe that this Christmas is going to be so weak that they need to start now to get everyone "in the spirit".  But, that's not the real spirit of Christmas.

Boston in the Fall

"We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

And I've never hoist the main sail
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I never veer to starboard
'Cause I never sail at all

And I've never walked the gangplank
And I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

Well I've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at ping ball
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes
Up against the wall

And I've never kissed a chipmunk
And I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall."

-The Pirate Who Don't Do Anything, originally from Veggie Tales silly songs

I've been singing this song incessantly for the past couple weeks as my mantra, a sort of bucket list if you will, since this past weekend, Brian and I were able to go to Boston in the Fall... sort of since Autumn doesn't start until next week officially.  And yes, almost the entire time I was there, this song was running through my head in a sort of gleeful way.  It really is the little things in life.

Irony seems to follow me everywhere though so it should come as no surprise that I was so excited about being in Boston that I didn't realize where we were the moment we got off the subway in the middle of the city.  We walked right through the place where the Boston Massacre happened as we tried to figure out what we should see first.

The Boston Massacre happened right in the middle of the intersection behind me.

Where I grew up in Southern California, something is considered "old" if it is 50 years old and "ancient" if it is from a hundred years prior.  On the East Coast, not so much...  Paul Revere's house is currently 330 years old.  Of course, we had to take a picture of architect Brian in front of the old building:



Paul Revere's House

Brian and I were incredibly excited to get to eat at the oldest restaurant in the country, Ye Olde Union Oyster House, which was established in 1826.  We had the best clam chowder there which is probably the reason for its nearly two hundred years of continuous service.

Walking through another part of the city, we stumbled upon Louisa May Alcott's childhood home in Beacon Hill.  She was the author of the famous Little Women and subsequent books about her beloved characters.  She was one of my most favorite authors when I was little and definitely one of the ones responsible for my addiction to literature and hence my love of writing.


Me next to Louisa May Alcott's House

Boston has to be now one of my most favorite cities and this past weekend was a huge adventure.  Though, I think I need to go back sometime actually in the Fall to be able to say I did that.  I am grateful to the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything for the inspiration!  Hopefully, the song will encourage some new adventures, but if it comes down to it, I really don't feel like kissing a chipmunk and would prefer to never experience lice.  I'll stick with Boston in the Fall.

Brian is a great photographer, don't you think?!

Larry Boy on Sale!

One of Ethan's favorite movies is Veggie Tales:  Larry Boy and the Bad Apple which is about fighting temptation.  It even mentions the temptation of playing too many video games and eating too much chocolate which happen to be Matthew and Stephen's vices, respectively.  And, as I am always a sucker for really good deals, I noticed that it was on sale for $4.99 at christianbook.com.  Click here to check it out. 

My boys very seldom watch television and instead are VeggieTales connoisseurs which makes me happy since I know it is reinforcing what I am trying to teach them.  Especially at this young age, I think it is incredibly important what I allow them to watch; in my psychology classes in college we talked about how research seems to show that personality is set by the time a child turns five years old.  Sometimes, it feel like they don't quite understand everything I try to teach them but I know it is getting in there and that statistic is a huge encouragement to keep trying.  Having them in an environment saturated with God's love is necessary especially at this age to shape their hearts towards the saving grace of Christ Jesus.  So, thank goodness for VeggieTales and even more when they are on sale!