tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8264648861471928812024-03-13T01:55:30.274-04:00Adventures of an Everyday GirlThe Proverbs 31 Project: Seeing and living abundantly for God in every aspect of life... even when it's not easy. And being creative. Very creative.S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-91991570468448672602014-05-27T08:00:00.000-04:002014-05-27T08:00:10.759-04:00Transitions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is a huge day! I'm so excited to announce our brand new site, <a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank">Uncommon Grace</a>! <br />
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While it is a big transition, and a little sad at the same time, I'm thrilled for what this new site is going to offer! The new address is <a href="http://uncommongrace.net/">uncommongrace.net</a> and yes, that is our very own domain! <br />
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You'll be able to sign up to receive new posts through email and it will be easier to contact me through this new site so come check it out!<br />
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Uncommon Grace is all about the incredible grace that Jesus has offered us through His death on the cross. It is the kind of grace that touches and changes our lives in the most profound and wonderful sense. It is bittersweet as I've grown with this site since I've been blogging here for years; there have been a lot of changes and tweaks and I'm thrilled to have a site that is a perfect fit.<br />
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I'm keeping this site up because there is still a lot of great content here and will still post on it occasionally, but these will be some of my crafty and fun projects. It unfortunately won't be the once a week that I've been doing since between posting weekly at Uncommon Grace (at least at the moment- hopefully more in the future!), writing for Rest Ministries, and trying, oh so desperately, to get my book done in addition to trying to keep four children fed, clothed, and happy, I'm a bit... ummm... stretched thin. Like tissue paper thin... <br />
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But God is good :)<br />
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Make sure you sign up to receive emails from this site so you won't miss out on anything else here as we transition to Uncommon Grace!<br />
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Please help me get Uncommon Grace off to a great start! Check it out here and I'd love it if you'd follow- I've made it so easy to subscribe! I'd totally appreciate it if you'd share the new site too! <em>It honestly takes a ton of work</em> <em>to get a new site off the ground and your help makes a huge difference.</em><br />
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I've redone some of the best content and my photography there as well as a new post just waiting for you to come visit! I'll see you at <a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank">Uncommon Grace</a>!S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-21030817459928314172014-05-19T08:00:00.000-04:002014-06-22T21:54:22.322-04:00It's Better This Way?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This time in May is hard since I always remember the birthday we should be celebrating, but aren't.<br />
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It has been awhile; like most women who've miscarried, I can be far more specific about how long ago, but it probably wouldn't interest anyone to know how many years, months, weeks, days and even hours. The point is it is still with me. I think about the baby I never got to hold, but I will always hold in my heart.<br />
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I'm honestly doing okay and I know God is good even when bad things happen. If I can easily trust Him in the good times, then I most certainly need to trust Him in the bad.<br />
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We rebel sometimes because we think somehow, God shouldn't make us go through such miserable things if He is good. The truth is, we can be really uncomfortable with a god who inflicts or stands by and allows pain. It seems wrong, even if it is used for His glory. It doesn't seem fair...<br />
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Fair. It wasn't fair my baby died. But, when I say this, do I begrudge my friends who had babies who were born the same time mine should have been?<br />
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No, absolutely not! Their little ones are precious!<br />
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We tend to, wrongly, equate fairness with equality. It reduces everyone to the least common denominator and doesn't address the heart of the issue: selfishness. If we are truly honest, whenever we demand something be "fair", what we really mean is we aren't happy someone else got more than we did.<br />
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We aren't content with our blessings. I'm not sure why God's plan for me included losing my little one, but I know there's a reason. He doesn't always tell us why, but asks us to trust Him and maybe one day I will know, but even if I don't, it's okay. I can be content in Him even in the struggle. That is what faith is. If I can trust God with my salvation, I can trust Him in this.<br />
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It took me a lot of processing and prayer to come to this place; years actually, but in those years something has been nagging at me.<br />
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We say we value life as Christians, but in practice, not so much. It hurts me to say this because I know it isn't what God wants for us as His followers, but we collectively fail in this area.<br />
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<em>"It's better this way."</em><br />
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Someone (who shall remain nameless) put a hand on my shoulder and said this trying to comfort me a few days after I lost my baby. I appreciate the concern, but honestly, it isn't better this way. It's a common sentiment and I know other parents have heard this one in response to their miscarriages, but it reveals what we value. We are uncomfortable with "defective" babies, kids, and people. We don't like loss.<br />
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<em>"As long as it's healthy."</em><br />
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I heard this all the time during my subsequent pregnancy after my miscarriage. Of course we all want the best for our kids and it isn't wrong to want this, but it's not always the case. Sometimes, things go wrong. Yes, it is a hard road to walk with special needs and health issues, but it doesn't mean it's better to lose these precious people before they are born. Their lives aren't worth less. They aren't second class citizens of this world because they are "defective". There is a difference between being "defective" and having challenges. And we all have challenges.<br />
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Life is life.<br />
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We don't get to be pro-life and say these kind of things; we can't start making judgments about whose life is more valuable. No matter what.<br />
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That is why I wanted to talk about "fair". It isn't fair, in the human sense, that people are born with disabilities, but God has a plan with it. I speak from experience: I've struggled with a chronic illness. It makes life hard, but I'm valuable because I'm made in the image of God. I'm broken, but God uses me. We're all broken somehow.<br />
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God isn't fair, but He is good.<br />
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As humans, the best we can do for fairness is equality. God has done more for us; He gave us Jesus as a sacrifice to pay for our sins. Fair would have been death. He gave us life. Since God is God, He doesn't have to give us a God-sized portion in life (although I'm sure we often think we deserve it); He is just, but still gave us grace. But, we still have to deal with the repercussions of our sinfulness.<br />
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Some paths are much harder to tread, but that doesn't make them any less worthwhile. No matter what losses we endure, we can walk through them in faith, knowing that God is good. We need to value life, all life, as God does. When we start judging what is best according what is easiest or most comfortable, we impose our imperfect plan over God's. It's not better that way: that is the biggest loss of all.<br />
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<strong><em>Please come check out more on this topic at my new site, </em></strong><a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><strong><em>Uncommon Grace</em></strong></span></a><strong><em>!</em></strong>S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-12972135128580351462014-05-12T08:00:00.000-04:002014-05-12T08:00:09.191-04:00God is Good<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a huge announcement, but first please let me explain:<br />
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I've been incredibly tired lately; exhausted is more like it. I keep reminding myself that some seasons of life are just more busy than others.<br />
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Like right now for me. Ethan and Luke are playing soccer so we have two sets of games and practices. Brian's work hours are such that he can't take the boys to practice so I'm doing it all on top of all of our foster daughter's meetings, appointments, and visitations of which there are multiple each week. To make matters more interesting, Jackson just learned how to take the baby-proof door knob covers off. Consequently, I'm afraid to go to sleep again since he is now able to wander the house.<br />
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In spite of all this life stuff, things are good. I'm having a fibro flare up, but things are good. God is good. For me, it is easy to praise God when things are good. Strangely enough, I always remember to praise Him when things are bad. His mercy and grace are usually so clear to me then.<br />
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I have a hard time remembering to praise Him when things are so-so. I'm busy, hurting, and distracted, but things aren't bad. This is when I tend to lose my focus, in the busy-ness of it all. But, God is just as good now as He is during those other times. That means things are good.<br />
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Even when things are hard, our perspective should be through the lens of God. One of my continual prayers is that I will be able to see things as God sees them. The pain and frustration has a point, even if I don't know what it is. The busy-ness is part of the life He has blessed me with. I shouldn't complain because He has blessed me. Things are good.<br />
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The main thing that has been keeping me occupied lately is also very good, despite keeping me up till the wee hours of the morning most days this week. I'd like to announce that I just purchased our own domain name and in a few short weeks, we'll be moving to a permanent place with our own site! I've been so excited, I probably have matched the enthusiasm of our kindergartner over his field trip to the fire station!<br />
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I've been working on the new site and it should be ready in a couple weeks. At the moment, I am transferring over some of the best content, formatting everything, and designing like mad. I'm not going to deactivate this site, but I will be linking everything over when it is time. In the meantime, please keep visiting here as I'm still going to be posting on my regular schedule.<br />
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I'm so excited to get to share this with you today! The new site is going to have a new name that I feel is absolutely perfect for what I am about, what God is about. While transition isn't always easy, I know God is moving me on to something better even though I've been writing here for years. <br />
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I have a favor to ask: when I officially launch the new site, I would really appreciate if you would go follow it. It takes a lot to get a new site launched and I could honestly use your help by doing this. You'll be able to subscribe through email too! Also, I would love to hear about what your favorite content is that I should make easily accessible on the new site. I'm in process of copying some over and don't want to miss something that really spoke to you! Just comment here or on the bottom of that post and I'll include it. <br />
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God has been good. I'm so thankful for everything, in spite of the so-so busy-ness. I hope that you have a blessed day!S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-6960612281626540322014-05-05T08:00:00.000-04:002014-05-05T08:42:56.615-04:00The Black Door Project<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As most of you know, Brian is an architect (and a very good one, I must add!). This often makes people assume some things: a) Brian designed our home and b) we make a lot of money.<br />
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(pause for any architects reading this to quit laughing) <br />
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We live in a tract home and though Brian would love to design something for us, it is a very expensive project which the modest architectural salary doesn't cover. That being said though, I love love love our house! Brian bought it without me seeing it when we moved across the country six years ago now. It has amazing natural light and the space is used incredibly efficiently. If there is one person to buy a house for you, it is an architect! <br />
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Because this is a builder home, it was fairly basic and looked like most of the other homes on the street. With Brian itching to make it his own, we have spent many a "date night" working on it together. We've been problem solving:<br />
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Our kitchen is extremely white. With white cabinets, countertops and backsplash, the effect is, well, stark. On top of that, when we moved in, all the appliances were white too. Thanks to a leaky dishwasher and a refrigerator that failed to actually refrigerate, half of the appliances are now stainless and the space has a little more definition to it. The way it is situated, there is very little wall space since it opens onto the living space which I absolutely love since I get to keep an eye on the kids while I make dinner.<br />
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Right now, the expensive fixes of new countertops and backsplash has to wait, but paint is cheap so that seemed like our best option thus we decided to paint our doors black to inject some personality.<br />
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I usually use Valspar paint from Lowes since it is inexpensive and does a great job. This time I used a semi gloss because I needed to be able to wipe down the doors. If I'm perfectly honest, I have to admit that the they desperately needed to be painted since they were permanently stained with little mucky handprints. (It was these same little grimy hands that stole my camera's memory card that have the before pictures on it; if/when I find it, I'll upload these, I promise!) It gives it a nice sheen too and provides some continuity with the trim since it is the same finish. I would never use anything less glossy than semi for something like this.<br />
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When we bought our home though, it didn't look like it does now. It was seriously the colors of Easter M&M's: pink, lavender, dusty blue, minty green, and several shades of yellow The one room that didn't fit the color scheme was the secondary bathroom that was highlighter yellow. I painted it after getting a couple migraines while bathing kiddos. <br />
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It surprised me how many people won't buy a house because of it's color. Painting is easy and cheap! For the cost of a gallon of paint, you can completely transform a room. No other fix can do that for $25! Even if you hate painting, you can probably cajole some friends into helping with the offer of pizza and tacos. Hey, you find me good Mexican street style tacos, I'll be there (as you rightly observe, I am still a Southern Californian who is languishing with the state of Mexican food in the South)!<br />
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The color is Valspar Lincoln Cabin. If this is something that you would like to do in your home, don't just pick up regular old black paint. It might seem easy, but don't. Straight up black is far too harsh and will look really stark. I love this color since it looks black, but it blends with our wall color (which is Valspar Arid Plains) because it has a hint of gray in it. If you are scared to take the plunge and do something striking in your house, going a slight off black is a great way to get started.<br />
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It looks far more designer as an off black and hey, my architect picked it out!<br />
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We painted all the doors in the house like this... all fourteen of them. I spent a weekend in the garage and I think somewhere around door seven I started wondering if this was a good idea after all; it took a long time to say the least! But, we did it right and it makes all the difference in how the finished product looks. As I usually say, no shortcuts! Do it once; do it right!<br />
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Here's the steps to getting your doors done right and adding some really fun, custom character:<br />
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<li>Take the doors off the hinges. I know this seems annoying to live without doors and a hassle to take them down just to put them back up. But, for the finish to be right, the need to come off. There will be far fewer paint drips if you paint them flat.</li>
<li>Take off all the hardware. Don't even try taping around the door knob. I made this mistake before; it never looks right because if you are off just a little bit, you can see the other color, get paint lines, paint on the hardware, have paint leak under the tape... you name it. Thirty seconds and you don't have to worry about that; all it takes is a hand held screwdriver for this and step one.</li>
<li>Wash the doors. You know how I said that our doors were stained from little hands? All that grime and even just normal dust will make the paint not stick uniformly or worse, get mixed into the paint and dull the finish. After hours of painting, you really don't want to see a sandpaper like finish in the crevices! The paint job is only as good as the prep work.</li>
<li>More prep work. Fill any holes and sand out any rough spots. I have wood texture on my doors so I did my best to only fill where I had to lest I get a bunch of smooth spots in the middle of wood grain. Just do your best to match it and it will be great!</li>
<li>Two coats of paint. I used a brush to fill in the panels in our six-panel doors and used a roller on the rest to get it as smooth as possible. The black can take awhile to cover so a second coat is an absolute must. Just make sure that the first coat is completely dry. I did this in really hot weather so it didn't take too long for me fortunately.</li>
<li>Put them back up! This, of course, when they are fully dry. Also make sure that you have the right size door in the correct frame since that will be a bummer if you get it all screwed in and then you have a two inch gap. Our bathroom doors are a different width than the bedroom ones and closet ones so just keep that in mind... speaking humbly from experience. </li>
<li>Re-install your hardware and you are done! If you wanted to change out your hardware, this would probably be a good time too!</li>
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I was worried that it might be a little dark, but it has actually reflected more light especially with the new finish. I have to say that I think this might be one of my favorite projects; it cost less than $30 for a dramatic transformation. My white kitchen has so much more character since the doors read differently than all the cabinets. I love the way too, that they blend with the painted furniture we have in the dining room. And it helps that it hides little hand prints!<br />
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And again, sorry for the lack of before photos. It is late as I write in order to get this done for it's scheduled post time and the two year old is sleeping already. I will be interrogating him about my missing memory card when he wakes up.</div>
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S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-30965308704521414622014-04-28T08:00:00.000-04:002014-06-22T21:52:42.889-04:00The Mess<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It started this week when I was on the phone with a nurse discussing my foster daughter's health. As many of my friends know, we've spent an incredible amount of time trying to do everything possible to get her healthy... or more realistically, as healthy as possible for the past 6 months. She is absolutely precious and I love her like she is my own so I am honored and humbled to be able to do this for her.<br />
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But, with this has come some surprising consequences. <br />
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On the phone, the nurse said that I have it all together and I'm a great parent. I laughed out at this because what she didn't know was that I was standing outside on our front porch so she wouldn't hear all the chaos that comes standard with three boys raging in the house. Let's just say that there is usually a lot of screaming involved (although if you've read some of my other posts like <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2014/04/expecting-unexpected.html" target="_blank">this</a> and <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2010/11/starbucks-we-have-problem.html" target="_blank">this</a> you're not surprised). <br />
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I know I don't have it all together, but from the outside, it looks that way to some people. People praise me for all that I'm doing for our foster daughter and tell me that we are amazing and so special to be able to do this. <br />
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The truth is though, I'm not special. In a conversation with another friend a couple weeks ago, she asked how I am doing this since foster parenting is... well... hard. Very hard. It is complicated and messy. My answer to my friend was that this is what I know God wants us to do; I'm completely convinced that this is where I am supposed to be. She looked back at me and said, "Well, that's it then. He gives you everything you need." <br />
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She is right. I've often said, I'm not special. God is. He prepares us and sustains us in whatever situation He wants us in. I don't deserve the credit. I can't take any of the credit. I've said it before that we don't look like the ideal foster parent candidates on paper since I have fibromyalgia, three biological sons, and we live in a three bedroom house. I wasn't even 30 yet when we were going through the process of getting licensed. At 31, I don't really feel any more qualified! But somehow, He makes it work. He is giving Brian and me the wisdom and the ability to somehow pull this off. It's not us. It's Him.<br />
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So despite all of this divine intervention, there is a second consequence. There are some people who worry about our three boys as we go through this process. It has been hard explaining, feeling like I have to justify my actions for my foster daughter because it comes at a cost of some time and energy for my boys.<br />
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Honestly, there are times I feel like a bad parent.<br />
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God's been working with me on that. My life is complicated, messy even. Not just because of foster care. That is me. I'm a sinner and not a saint. He has redeemed me and His gift of grace covers all of my failures. Wallowing in my failures trivializes His grace, His sacrifice. So does pretending that everything is perfect.<br />
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We all live in some sort of a mess. From me, <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2014/03/foster-parenting-birth-parent-challenge.html" target="_blank">foster care birth parents</a>, pastors, missionaries, the homeless person sitting on the street corner, and you. No difference really since the Bible says in Romans 3:23 that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" There really is no difference because a fail is a fail no matter how you do it. We are all in the same boat here. Our world is sinful hence the pain and struggles everywhere. That is why we need Jesus. His death paid the cost for our transgressions so that we might be made whole and reconciled to Him, if we ask and follow Him. He's the hero. <br />
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That is why I am sharing this today. All my authenticity is for the purpose of showing how God is the hero. He changed my life. I'm doing my best, but we have days like today where we missed church because of sick kids, one threw up in my diaper bag, a different one has wanted to eat nothing but goldfish crackers (and I considered giving in to avert some screaming), I've been telling one to climb in bed for more than an hour, and I am really sore from a fibro flare up so I can barely type.<br />
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I don't have it all together, but God does. This is how we parent. This is how we do foster care. Serving Him is like that; He uses broken and hurting people to make a difference for Him. It is so incredibly humbling and profound. What's more is that He wants all of us to serve Him with everything we do. That's<a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2010/06/attitude-of-worship.html" target="_blank"> worship</a>, a way of life. God works best in this mess. Our church had a series awhile ago called "No Perfect People Allowed"; I loved it because we don't need to have it all together to follow Him.<br />
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So no pedestals please. God wants to do the same thing with you, if you'll let Him shine in your mess. He always gives what you need. He made me "enough" and I'll be forever grateful.<br />
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<strong><em>Please come check out more on this topic at my new site, </em></strong><a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><strong><em>Uncommon Grace</em></strong></span></a><strong><em>!</em></strong>S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-39486544375972426942014-04-21T08:00:00.000-04:002014-04-21T08:00:01.221-04:00Grace Versus Guilt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I absolutely love Easter! It has been a part of my story since the very beginning. Let me explain:<br />
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I was born on Easter. It has always been a joke amongst our family that I was born into the church since my parents were timing contractions as they sat through the Easter morning service listening to Chuck Swindoll. Apparently, his message that morning got me excited about life and I made my official entry a later that evening.<br />
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I'm always thrilled when my birthday and Easter fall on the same day; it hasn't happened in years, but I feel like it always reminds me to celebrate my spiritual birthday as well as my physical one. When I decided to follow Jesus and trust Him as my savior, He gave me grace and forgiveness for all my sins. As Jesus said, this makes us born-again (John 3). Honestly, there is no better birthday present! I wrote a devotional about it for Rest Ministries; click <a href="http://restministries.com/2014/04/easter-2/" target="_blank">here</a> to read it.<br />
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So, where does that leave us on the day after Easter? We spend the day celebrating Christ's resurrection and then life goes back to normal. We, or at least, I tend to forget. It is kind of the post birthday blues, if you will.<br />
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I struggle with Guilt. I know most of us do. Maybe it isn't guilt with a capital G, but even minor guilt is pervasive in our lives. Some guilt is good; we need it as the Holy Spirit brings things to our attention with it. Things we need to deal with. Things we need to make right and ask forgiveness for.<br />
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But the rest of the guilt? <br />
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The guilt that I didn't get done all I wanted to because I was sick (like I said, check out my <a href="http://restministries.com/2014/04/easter-2/" target="_blank">devotional</a>) or the guilt that I should have been bolder with my faith when talking to someone. The guilt that comes when I don't feel like I am being a great parent and the guilt when I don't measure up to my expectations. The guilt that comes from the tyranny of the "if only" or "shoulds and ought to have". <br />
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That guilt. That life-sucking, draining, discouraging guilt.<br />
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When Easter is over, our focus fades from grace and makes room for the guilt to gallop right back in. I think it is because I don't focus on Christ everyday like I do on Easter. The good news of Easter is for everyday, not just that one Sunday a year. Translation: one day a year I live in God's grace and the other 364 days I try to do it all on my own.<br />
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I know I am more acutely aware of this than most people. I live with a chronic illness that has kept me in constant pain for the past 25 years. There were 6 days that I can count that the pain lifted for a few hours (I scare everyone because apparently my personality becomes extremely bouncy and extroverted instead of my normal laid back and quiet self- I am a totally different person!). This incurable illness has forced the issue of dependency on God; it is literally God working through me in my life. It has made me see God in everything. While this is not something I wanted, it has been a blessing in disguise because God has used it to transform me into a very different person that I would have been otherwise: I'm becoming more of who He would like me to be.<br />
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In spite of being dependent on God, I feel guilty because I think, somehow, I should be able to do more. I <em>want</em> to do more... but I <em>can't</em>. It is beyond frustrating to struggle with guilt from my inadequacies! And you know what? If we are all perfectly honest with ourselves, some form of this haunts all of us. It might not be because of a chronic illness, but we each have our bents as C.S. Lewis says.<br />
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We do this because we don't trust Him enough.<br />
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We do this because we don't give Him everything.<br />
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We do this because we think we know better than Him.<br />
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We do this because we don't live like Jesus's act on the cross was enough.<br />
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We do this because we don't fully realize the power of Grace.<br />
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Inconceivable.<br />
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Somehow, we think our pasts, our presents and even our futures might be too much for Grace to handle. But, if an infinite God paid infinitely for our finite sins, it is safe to say they are covered. That is Grace with a capital G. It wasn't cheap. It cost everything and if we live in guilt, what we really believe in is cheap grace. That is the kind of grace that can't fix our problems and the kind of grace that just buys fire insurance and doesn't mean that we actually have to give up ourselves to get.<br />
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I'm dying to myself little by little each day. As I do, God takes over and grace moves in. In terms of my struggles, I honestly don't have much, but if I do all that I can for Him, there is nothing to feel guilty over. Like the widow who only had two coins, but gave them both, God is far more pleased with that than if I only gave Him a fraction of my life even if I were healthy or rich or smart or anything else that I wish I was. <br />
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This is what Easter is: it is everyday grace. Even though the holiday is over, we can keep celebrating because grace is 365 days a year for the rest of eternity. As we die to ourselves and stop trusting in our own plans, we let God come in and slay our guilt. Give everything to Him today, again and everyday. It is time for us to live like Christ's death really meant something. We can't ask for a better "birthday" present, but we have to open it up and use it.S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-49656803353110797652014-04-14T08:00:00.000-04:002014-04-14T11:32:13.129-04:00Space Saving Mudroom Renovation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Since our eldest started school, I have dearly needed a place to contain the mess that is inevitably deposited on the floor the moment kids walk in the door. I've stared longingly at the catalogue photos of beautifully organized cubbies to corral the daily disaster. My problem though is I only kind of have a mudroom. I say "kind of" because it would be better to call it a laundry room since there is really only standing room to wash clothes and that is tight especially when I have a little "helper" underfoot. <br />
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I love our home even though it is tight by most people's standards. We have four kids squeezed into our three bedroom, 2.5 bath home and so there are days that I would give an I don't know what for more storage. However, I love that we can afford our home and it has an amazing location with a neighborhood that is incredible. I can't imagine giving that up and stretching ourselves beyond wisdom financially just to keep up with the Joneses.<br />
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Thus, I am trying to know eek out every square inch of space, Proverbs 31 style, and make it work for us. Most people don't have the luxury of large mudrooms to create replicas of picture perfect Pottery Barn cubbies; we don't so Brian and I came up with a doable and as usual, inexpensive solution. <br />
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The first rule of thumb when doing a project is to look around and see what you already have. In our case, the boards we used were leftover and just sitting in our garage. Really, it is a win-win since they didn't cost us anything and secondly, we get that space back in the garage. Even though we had to buy a few things, we already had paint and some wood which substantially reduced our cost. <br />
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Another tip is to make a list of all the projects you would like to do. It doesn't cost anything to dream and it helps too because it allows you to have something of a master plan i.e. don't spend money on a new bathroom sink faucet if you really want to put in a new solid surface counter top someday since that new faucet might not fit. Do it in the right order and save money. Once you have your list, keep an eye out for deals on some of your dreams and do it when it seems opportune.<br />
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We installed a basic board and batten on the back laundry room wall. True board and batten would have a plywood backing behind the batten boards, but we decided to skip this because, as I said, we are eking out every square inch. Brian took off the base board and started installing. He used some leftover boards in our garage from a previous project so that didn't cost us anything, but the boards are inexpensive anyway at Lowe's. He did buy extra quarter round to finish off the bottom since that is usually destroyed when you pull it up.<br />
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I've seen on Pinterest where people skip the step of taking off the base board and just installing the boards over. Don't, don't, don't do this! As an architect, Brian is constantly driven crazy by short cuts like these that end up just looking wrong for some reason at the end. In this case, the wall will look strangely off balance since it will look like the board and batten is overhanging the base board; it won't look properly grounded and in such a tight space as ours, we would be catching stuff on the bottom of the batten. Not good. Absolutely not good! It might be DIY, but it shouldn't look DIY! As you can see in the photo below, everything looks right here: nice and solid. Take the extra time and you'll be so much happier in the long run! (note: Brian read this and said that I was not emphatic enough on this point)<br />
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We spent a while measuring and planning before we started anything. We divided the space equally by the number of sections we wanted since we were only doing one wall. It helps greatly to draw it all out to scale so you can see it first!<br />
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Since the boards we used weren't of the highest quality, Brian spent a lot of time using wood putty to smooth them out, but I loved the way that some of the knots were showing through so we weren't too perfectionist. We really wanted a clean look since we have so much molding around our house so we didn't use any extra decorative pieces that you can. We primed then painted the boards and the wall behind it white with some of the extra paint we keep to touch up the trim work.<br />
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We installed four oil rubbed bronze hooks to hold backpacks and coats. I found these hooks at Target for just a couple dollars each. I've had really good luck finding hardware like this at Target since it has held up really well and it is pretty inexpensive compared to a lot of places. They don't have many choices, but if it works for you, it is often a good deal. <br />
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While it would have been cheaper and easier to just screw the hooks right into the wall, I love the way the board and batten makes it feel like it is a built in. It helps define the space as something different from the rest of the walls so that it keeps it looking more orderly. Our laundry room is right off the kitchen so the organization is really important because it looks clean when the doors are left open. <br />
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The laundry room might be tight, but it functions so well! After more than a year of usage, it has held up phenomenally. The hooks, though inexpensive, still look new and the wall and batten hasn't gotten beat up from the backpacks (which with three boys and a baby is saying something!). It is clean and organized and so the doors stay open most of the time letting in so much more light. While it isn't Pottery Barn, I love that we did this in two days (not working the whole time; we were just waiting for the paint to dry!) and it was a huge value since I don't think we spent more than $30 on it. And that lets me put our resources into far more important places!S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-50640732597910728272014-04-07T08:00:00.000-04:002014-06-22T21:55:37.466-04:00Expecting the Unexpected<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Life is sure to never be dull with three boys! Ours are now eight, six, and two and a half respectively and keeping me on my toes. My dad was one of three boys and I feel like I am beginning to better understand his childhood better. When he told me stories about the things he did growing up, I thought they were all crazy. Now, I'm seeing history repeat itself...<br />
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This week our two and a half year old has hit a whole new level of... something. Not quite sure what to call it yet.<br />
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Our foster daughter was heading out for visitation one morning this week and I explained to Jackson that she was going to see her parents.<br />
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"I see my parents?" came Jackson's query.<br />
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"Ummm... you are looking at one of your parents."<br />
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"No. When I see my parents?"<br />
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"Jack, I'm your mommy."<br />
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"Noooooo."<br />
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It culminated later when he decided to look on Facebook to pick out his new set of parents. We decided that these are two year old problems in a foster family. You can just get a new set of parents if you want and, apparently, as many parents as you want.<br />
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Later this week though he decided to claim me again when our six year old Luke said that I am his mommy. <br />
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Jackson screamed at him, "NOT your mommy, Goo (his personal pronunciation of Luke). She my mommy. You have different mommy!"<br />
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Luke just shook his head and rolled his eyes. Jackson's definition of family is very fluid right now.<br />
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Jackson is also becoming much more independent. Twice this week he has decided to try to walk out of stores... without me. We usually put him in a shopping cart for this reason, but sometimes that isn't feasible. I swore I would never use a child leash, but we've decided it is necessary since Jackson seems to have no problem wandering (and running) away. We call the leash "bear backpack" to make it more fun since he wants to wear a backpack like his big brothers. This worked well until Luke decided to drag Jackson around on the floor with it. Now we don't like bear backpack at all and it has strangely gone missing... <br />
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We also discovered why our electric bill has gotten so much higher recently. I put all the kids down for bed and collapsed into bed myself when I heard Star Wars music. I knew Brian was downstairs, but Star Wars music? At eleven at night?<br />
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It sounded a bit muffled and so I went to our bonus room where the TV is. The door was closed and when I opened it, I found my toddler watching Star Wars cartoons on the Xbox.<br />
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"I watching!"<br />
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"I can see that, but do you know where you are supposed to be?"<br />
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"Watching."<br />
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It was my turn to say "no."<br />
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We repeated bedtime and I made sure his door was closed. We recently put the door knob baby proof covers on so I thought he wouldn't be able to wander the house. Anyway, he was cuddled up in his bed almost asleep. I went to be again.<br />
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Brian came up to bed after playing computer games until one (hey, if you can't do it during spring break, when can you?!) and as he shut down, he heard something. As he came up the stairs, he found Jack with the deer in headlights look halfway between the bonus room and his bedroom. He knew the jig was up.<br />
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The TV was on again in the bonus room, this time with Narnia playing. The volume was turned all the way down and the subtitles were on. Mind you, Jack is two and a half. This was "sneaky" at its finest and it will be really ironic if this is how he learns to read.<br />
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Brian later received a couple emails from Microsoft confirming some Xbox live purchases made at 12:48 and 12:51 am respectively for some add-ons for Minecraft and Skylanders. Jack has been shopping. No word yet on if the other boys, who were confirmed sleeping at the time, put Jack up to that since these were suspiciously the add-ons that they had wanted.<br />
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We are password protecting the Xbox and rethinking our baby-proofing methods.<br />
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It has been a week of expect the unexpected. Jackson's life mantra seems to be "I've got this" and he has absolutely no fear which means he thinks he can do anything. ANYTHING. I haven't even mentioned yet how he almost escaped my in-laws house, put a piece of poop in the diaper bag (an apparent protest to potty training), downed half the club sized bag of string cheese when no one was looking, gleefully popped the balloons Brian got me for my birthday, climbed to the top of a store's shoe display rack, and that we had to shut the water off to the sink in his bathroom all this week. I was getting really tired of finding the play kitchen dishes full of water hidden places. All this week. I'm tired. And afraid to go to sleep.<br />
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God's been teaching me to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), I think. Despite watching this little one constantly, he has still figures out how to do all of this. I know God is fully in control of this situation and I'm praying for wisdom how to teach this little boy who answers to the nickname "Trouble".<br />
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It reminds me how important boundaries are; it is easy to see for kids because it seems like they are creatively trying to kill themselves constantly. Harder to see, but just as important for adults, boundaries are really God's gift. The freedom that Jack so desperately wants is really only free within those parameters that we set for him. When he goes outside of them, as we have experienced clearly this week, that is where he will be trapped by negative consequences.<br />
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We do that too, even as adults. Somehow we equate freedom meaning we can do whatever we want, even outside of what scripture says and we seem surprised when there is a cost. Sin traps us and it is the opposite of freedom. That's ironic.<br />
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Not so easy to teach to a two year old, but I'm working on it. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I'm going to keep laughing at my unbelievable son. If you've ever seen the movie <em>The Incredibles</em>, you'll understand why we call him Baby JackJack. It is an adventure over here!<br />
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<strong><em>Please come check out more on this topic at my new site, </em></strong><a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><strong><em>Uncommon Grace</em></strong></span></a><strong><em>!</em></strong><br />
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S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-27306405502469069182014-03-31T08:00:00.000-04:002014-05-12T13:45:52.018-04:00It is All For Him<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The past two weeks have been tough. I mean <em>really</em> tough. <br />
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It started when our two year old came down coughing on a Tuesday. Jack was doing okay, but by Friday, Ethan was coughing so hard that he was crying and didn't want to go to school. He is the kind of kid who is so tough that when he sliced open his foot playing barefoot basketball at the neighbors (we did have a discussion later about how this is not a good idea) he had to be carried home and left a trail of blood behind and he never once cried. He <em>never</em> complains so when something is this bad for him, we listen. <br />
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Halfway though school on Friday, Luke apparently came down sick and by the time we got him home, he had a fever. Saturday, our six month old foster daughter started coughing.<br />
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I had been feeling sick too since the middle of the week, but with my fibromyalgia, I get sick easily. It is so frustrating since all it seems to take is one random person coughing on me while I am out and I have a cold within a couple days. Living with four kids is basically an open invitation for any germ in a ten miles radius to come and infect me. But, I still have to be a mom and take care of everyone.<br />
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Monday morning, it was worse. Baby Girl was having trouble breathing and we found out at the doctor's that the bronchitis that had infected us was really RSV. This is the same virus that put Luke in the hospital twice when he was a newborn. It just causes cold like symptoms for adults, but it is dangerous for babies, especially those with all the health issues that Baby Girl has.<br />
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The next few days were consumed with breathing treatments, doctor's visits, and all sorts of communication with our social workers in addition to taking care of all our boys. At points, usually in the middle of the night, we were hourly deciding if we needed to take her to the hospital. Thankfully, she responded well to her breathing treatments. It took days, but we made it out of the woods with her.<br />
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In just a few days, our lives went from being normal to completely out of control. I had all these grand plans for those days, but they went out the window. In my sheer exhaustion caring for those kiddos, God wanted to get my attention. <br />
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I've been thinking a lot about how life isn't easy and sometimes we have the expectation that it should be so. Call it a product of our affluent culture, with its labor saving devices and near instant anesthesia, but it definitely reflects a universal human desire for instant gratification and comfort. A desire for comfort even at a great cost.<br />
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We sacrifice serving others and a life of significance for comfort. When we focus on our own comfort, we don't see the needs of others as much as we should. It is easy as a parent to see the needs of our kids and want to do what we can to meet them, but sometimes our desire to be a servant ends there.<br />
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It is why, completely honestly, that is bothers me when some people are surprised that I am a foster parent and I deal with a chronic illness. Our culture sometimes tells us that if serving is too hard, too inconvenient, too painful, or even if we just don't want to, then we don't need to do it. <br />
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This isn't what Jesus said. He Himself was a servant: He washed the disciples feet. It was a disgusting job in Biblical times; it was a job reserved for the lowly slaves and servants as everyone wore sandals and walked through filthy, muddy, and waste filled streets. And I thought cleaning up my boys after they have been playing outside was bad... If anybody had a right not to humble himself in this way, it was Jesus, the Son of God. Giving can also be an act of service: He was constantly pointing out people who gave all like the widow who gave her last two coins for God's work in Luke 21:2. It might not have been much, but it was all that she had. <br />
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I don't think I am responsible for the impact that I make. I'm just responsible for showing up and serving and letting God do what He will with it. Even when it is hard. Even when it is uncomfortable. Even when I don't want to.<br />
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This week I was exhausted with fibro and didn't want to get up in the middle of the night with my foster daughter; I wanted to sleep. But, we did it anyway. I know I don't have to do this, I could say at any moment that this is too much for me and let the social workers find some other place for her to go. But, I won't. I am fully convinced that God wants this precious little girl with me right now. It might be harder with chronic illness, but I can't let that steal my life away. I don't know what His plan is with it all, but I know we are doing the right thing by serving. He'll work out the rest. All that matters is that we follow His example.<br />
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Very seldom to great things just happen. They are usually born out of adversity and struggle. God shines so brightly when we give it all to Him. If we don't partner with Him in service, we miss out on getting to work with the Hero of this whole story. Anything less than this sounds, well... boring. Insignificant. Self-seeking.<br />
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It comes down to giving and serving as much as we are able, like the widow. I'm so thankful the kids are doing better, but it was an honor to get to serve them. It was so draining and I'm incredibly grateful to all of my friends who prayed for us, my mother in-law who made us dinner, and my mom who sent a care package. They were all serving too and God used it as a huge encouragement to me. When it all works together like that, it is a beautiful thing. God's plan always is. Even when it is hard.S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-17863226759437459682014-03-24T08:00:00.000-04:002014-03-24T08:00:09.574-04:00Why We Should Read the Bible First<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Before I start, I want to admit that I am totally guilty of this so I'm including myself in this question:<br />
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Why is it easier to read a book, blog, magazine articles, or devotional than it is to turn to scripture when we are looking for spiritual nourishment?<br />
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I'm not picking on books, blogs, magazines, or devotionals in the slightest; I write some of these so obviously I feel they have value. Immense value. I've spent hours pouring over C.S. Lewis, Oswald Chambers, Wayne Grudem, Charles Swindoll, and John Piper, just to name a few. I deeply appreciate their works and their dedication to making scripture, truth, and theology accessible for people. I get excited hearing others share their stories of what God is teaching them through their blogs. I am drawn towards magazines with their fun tips and tricks that I can incorporate into my life. I love getting devotionals in my inbox which help remind me of my focus. <br />
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Why don't we express the same kind of passion when we talk about reading the Bible?<br />
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Maybe it is because it is intimidating: it is a varied collection of books that range from narrative, to poetry, to law, to letter, and even to prophecy. It can be hard to know where to start, but we need to be willing to start. We need to be willing to learn about our God as He has revealed Himself through scripture.<br />
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Maybe it is because it can be harder to find the application. If we look deep in our hearts, we have to admit that we are selfish. Are we just looking for the "what's in it for me?" instead of coming at it from a perspective of trying to better understand God and the whole grand story of His redemptive grace? God is the Hero, and it ultimately isn't about us. Yes, He has saved us, but that is because He is good and not because anything we've done to deserve it.<br />
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Maybe it is because we think we know it all. I grew up in the church and could recite stories and verses with the best of them. However, I doubt any of us even come close to the knowledge that was commonly described in scripture: scholars typically memorized the Torah which are the first five books of the Bible. Ironically, the more we learn, the more we learn that we don't know. <br />
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Maybe it is because it is confusing. Anyone who has tried to read through the Bible straight through usually hits a point of frustration around Leviticus, if they don't get stuck there altogether. However, God gave us the whole Bible for a reason: Jesus is the fulfillment of the law in the Old Testament. We can't understand Jesus and grace without understanding the Old Testament.<br />
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None of these are good reasons. They are understandable, but there is a profound difference between understandable and good. If we are to call ourselves Christians, we need to go to the source. That is where C.S. Lewis and Oswald Chambers got it. That is the place that Wayne Grudem, Charles Swindoll, and John Piper spend time. It is where we need to be too. <br />
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There are a lot of good reasons to read the Bible, and to be passionate about it. For starters, I could tell you that Paul walked on water and that Peter was a tax collector (neither of which are true, by the way!), but if people don't actually study for themselves that misinformation, while somewhat immaterial, might be allowed to persist. (Just in case you were concerned, it was Peter who walked on water and he was a fisherman.) But, there are a lot of things we say are in the Bible that actually aren't and many things that we don't seem to remember that scripture actually says.<br />
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As much as we try, we can't distill God down into one little human-authored book. The Bible is different: "All scripture is breathed out by God, and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness," 2 Timothy 3:16 (ESV). It comes straight from God; the only way to truly get to know Him is to go straight to the book that He divinely inspired. The other resources are great because we can get a great deal of wisdom from brilliant minds, but ultimately, these authors are still fallen human beings, capable of mistakes.<br />
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If we start following authors as our main source of spiritual nourishment instead of a secondary one, we run the risk of becoming primarily their follower. It is easy to do. We revere their work so we put them up on a pedestal and we connect with other people who like their work. We start talking about their work and maybe attending conferences by them just to see them. It starts to sound a little bit like worship doesn't it? That is the kind of behavior that should be happening with Christ as the focus, not another human. God should never be secondary. <br />
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When we are reading the Bible and we come across a question, there are resources to help us understand. But, that is what they are: resources. Resources like books, blogs, magazine articles, and devotionals are wonderful tools to help us learn more and keep us focused on God. But, if that is all we are passionate about, it begs the question, who are we actually following?<br />
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Despite our common objections, the Bible is exciting, interesting, and applicable. Wouldn't it be great if next time we were asked about what we are reading, we answered passionately about the Bible? I am sure that Lewis, Chambers, Grudem, Swindoll, and Piper would all be proud. I would be.<br />
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<em><span style="font-size: x-small;">As a side note, I think I'm going to do a post on how to study the Bible and resources to help answer Biblical questions that come up. Please comment if this would be helpful and if there are questions that I can attempt to answer in that post!</span></em>S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-75071508926034413602014-03-17T08:00:00.000-04:002014-03-17T09:49:10.910-04:00I Am, Too!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a dear friend, Jennifer Hendrick Davies, whom I'm incredibly proud of! Jennifer and I met a long time ago in junior high and we have been friends since. She is such an amazing woman of God and has been like a sister to me, encouraging me and just being there despite the fact that we are on opposite coasts! Given all this, I am so excited to share that she has written a book!<br />
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<em>I Am, Too!</em> is a phenomenal children's book that talks about finding common ground, and ultimately friendship in spite of differences. Jennifer says, "My inspiration for writing this book was that I observed after working in the school system that children do not see each others' differences the way adults sometimes do; they just see each others' similarities and the fun they can have with each other." To view the book on amazon, click <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Am-Too-Jennifer-Hendrick-Davies/dp/1484999150/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395024013&sr=1-1&keywords=Jennifer+Hendrick" target="_blank">here</a>. <br />
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As a parent, I'm always looking for great resources for my kids and I truly believe this book is incredibly valuable. It deals with disabilities and that is something close to my heart since I struggle with fibromyalgia. What's more, one of our boys was diagnosed as having a learning disability last year. That invisible disability has made his life so difficult, but his relationships with some true friends have been so healing for him because they love to just play together and it gives him a chance to just be a kid.<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My kids are really aware of hardships between their exposure to my illness and our experience as a foster family. I've never wanted to shelter them too much (though they only know the age appropriate details about the fostering situations!) because it helps teach them compassion and understanding. We are lucky in this sense because we have ample opportunities to work on it, but short of our atypical situation, object lessons aren't always that easy to come by (and even then, my kids still need more!) which is why I love this book!</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I think this book with it's encouraging message and fun, friendly illustrations will only increase awareness that differences don't exclude the possibility of friendship and that we should focus on what we can do instead of what we can't. It is a great discussion starter for teachers too. I Am, Too! is definitely worth a read with your family! Check it out <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Am-Too-Jennifer-Hendrick-Davies/dp/1484999150/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395024013&sr=1-1&keywords=Jennifer+Hendrick" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b><br />S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-9718841180764939322014-03-10T08:00:00.000-04:002014-06-22T21:49:11.178-04:00Foster Parenting: The Birth Parent Challenge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've had something on my chest for a long time. A really long time. And I was once guilty of it too.<br />
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Judgment of people whose kids are in foster care.<br />
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I used to think, "Seriously? How could you let stuff get that bad that someone had to come take your kids<em> for their safety</em>? Don't you even care?"<br />
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I was wrong. They do care. They care tremendously and most of the time are deeply ashamed to be in this situation. Most birth parents of foster kids love their kids intensely and want them back.<br />
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The problem is that we tend to look at the situation as an outsider; we see it at face value and don't look deeper. It is easier to think they are radically different than accept that we might be in the same situation if our circumstances were different.<br />
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Most of us come from good, stable homes. Imagine what life would have been like if we didn't: maybe abuse, alcoholism, drugs, or neglect were the norm. Those things radically shape personalities and influence our trajectory in life. I'm not saying that everyone who came from a difficult background is a bad parent nor does every birth parent of a foster child come from such a dark place. But, it is more common than not. And a lot easier to understand.<br />
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For the most part, these are just profoundly hurting people themselves who let life get out of control. They often don't have the resources that most of us do that gives us a safety net to prevent a spiral. Most of them don't have family that is willing or even capable of stepping in and helping out. They can't pay babysitters to give them the breathing room that would allow them to take care of their own challenges. <br />
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These challenges aren't small either. Mental illness, addiction, selfishness, poverty, ignorance and their own histories aren't easy to beat, but they must not just for their children, but for their own selves. They are literally fighting a battle for their lives.<br />
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I love how Jesus cared for everybody so much that He died for them. You, me, and these birth parents. Jesus broke all sorts of social taboos by eating with the undesirable people of his day. It was a huge deal to sit and eat with someone who wasn't "good". What's more, Jesus called those who acted in a "holier than thou" way towards them "whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness." (Matthew 23:27). <br />
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I see no where in scripture that gives me permission to think I am better than they are. I might have my life together in comparison, but I am just as human and just as sinful. It bothers me profoundly that we have decided that some sins are worse than others; usually it is the sins that we commit are the ones that we don't think are as bad or are at least justifiable. Truthfully, all sin is the same and has the same affect on our hearts. It is a wedge between us and God and keeps us from being the people that He designed us to be. The people who Jesus called out were the elite of His day, the supposed spiritual good guys: the Pharisees. If I do the same thing, what does that make me?<br />
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I'm still pretty new at this; we've only had two placements and it has been 9 months. I still cry when I walk out of meetings because the things I've learned are so heartbreaking. You can't really shock me anymore, but if I get to the point where I don't cry I probably shouldn't be doing this because I've become jaded. I need to care to be able to do this right.<br />
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Birth parents desperately <em>need</em> this compassion. We might be the only place where they get it. I am absolutely not giving them a pass on what they have done because actions have consequences, but we need to learn to separate that from their worth as people. If we can't come alongside them and help them, love them, respect their personhood, and give them the support that they need to learn from these mistakes they might never be able to break the cycle that they are so mired in. <br />
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I don't think that all kids should go back to their birth parents. Sometimes things have just been too horrific and these poor kids will be dealing with those demons for the rest of their lives. We owe it to them to be there for them and give them some stability in a crazy world. I think most people can agree on that; if a society isn't willing to help it's most vulnerable we have lost something that matters dearly.<br />
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But, in our willingness to help the kids, we balk at the adults. Ironically, some of these same birth parents were in foster care themselves as kids and these challenges they are facing originated from the same trauma. Their hearts are still broken and they haven't found the life changing grace that they so need. But, somehow because they are all grown up now, it is perfectly acceptable for us to judge them. <br />
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I know, I've been guilty of it too in the past though I hope that God has changed my heart enough that all my interactions with the birth parents of our foster kids don't seem condescending or forced. I want them to know that I still care about them too regardless of what happens with their kids' legal limbo in foster care. At the end of this process, they still have to live their lives and I hope that they can do better for themselves just as much as for their kids. I still have massive boundaries though in dealing with birth parents both for my sake and theirs! Loving them doesn't mean enabling because truth is required for real growth.<br />
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This is what grace is and if we can't give it, it makes me worry that we don't understand the gravity of grace at best or haven't really received it at worst. That is why it profoundly bothers me when random people who know nothing about the situation (which is very private, privileged information that is not mine to share) start hating on my foster daughter's parents. In front of her. Luckily she is a baby still, but it needs to stop. We're all broken and we shouldn't have the luxury of ignoring our brokenness while being indignant about theirs.<br />
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<em><strong>Please come check out more on this topic at my new site, </strong><a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><strong>Uncommon Grace</strong></span></a><strong>!</strong></em>S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-76119589434286005162014-03-03T08:00:00.000-05:002014-03-05T07:50:41.261-05:00In The Jungle Part 2When I did our baby's nursery with the glow in the dark starry night mural on the ceiling, I was inspired to revamp the rest of it. I've had the jungle theme since our now eight year old was a baby, but I really became inspired when my kids told started singing the "In the Jungle, the mighty Jungle" song. I wrote about the ceiling mural and how to do it <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2012/06/in-jungle-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a> in the first post about the nursery, but I still didn't show the whole finished product. I was absolutely thrilled with how it turned out!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkKM_iOTcPow22Fkdsh8C5gR7CbRaDmYih9-iBDlcs784fav3eR7OJRbnmAQGlY5rsUDk2zdIB4pcQUh7Qg6jrHwlbSxhinBFOW9p4YVexY0FJ1mNKyUB60bx5_ZpAUM5_EeegNCkSApY/s1600/IMG_0156.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkKM_iOTcPow22Fkdsh8C5gR7CbRaDmYih9-iBDlcs784fav3eR7OJRbnmAQGlY5rsUDk2zdIB4pcQUh7Qg6jrHwlbSxhinBFOW9p4YVexY0FJ1mNKyUB60bx5_ZpAUM5_EeegNCkSApY/s1600/IMG_0156.JPG" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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Obviously, this isn't a crib anymore. Jackson figured out how to pull himself up and flip his feet over the rails so we transitioned him to a toddler bed. I was so sad though! It is just a tangible reminder that he isn't a baby anymore! Anyways, I found the letters spell his name at A.C. Moore and painted them with the undiluted paint from doing the wash for the ceiling mural. I loved this bedding from Target, but sadly they don't have it anymore. They do have some other cute jungle themed sets that are pretty inexpensive. We had quite a few stuffed animals that fit the theme so I set those out to decorate with. Jack Jack loves his giraffe from my mom, although they occasionally are on the outs and Giraffe has apparently committed some travesty according to my two year old and is not allowed to be on the bed. Two year old problems...<br />
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One of my kids' favorite songs is "In the Jungle" which is basically what inspired our nursery so it seemed like the logical choice to use that for some word wall art:<br />
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I made a stencil with my cricut using the George font that came with it to paint this on the wall. I just used the same indigo steamer Valspar paint that is on the ceiling. I have been tempted to come back and add a little more something something to it, but with fostering, I haven't had the time. However, I really like how clean it looks since usually toys are everywhere and simple and clean is a nice contrast! Here's how it looks on the wall:<br />
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This bench was from Pier 1 and it used to be in our living room when we lived in California and then it found a new life in Jack's room. The wicker worked well, I thought. The rectangular pillows are from Target and the square ones are from Walmart. I did this room over such a long time that I just found things little by little. The great thing about doing a room like that though is that you kind take your time and find deals! I originally got the pillows as accents for the bunk bed we have, but the older boys wanted an Avengers theme room and by default, Jackson has the jungle theme things left over. And yes, that is my giant stuffed elephant from when I was a kid. If it could talk, it would probably tell you it wasn't thrilled with getting passed down to another generation of droolers...<br />
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And something else passed down:<br />
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This chair was also mine from when I was Jackson's age. It is solid oak and my parents gave it to me when we had Ethan. It has held up so well given that it is nearly 30. The finish is starting to go from use in some places so I might refinish it in the future, but for now, I love that it matches the rest of the furniture.</div>
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The reading nook; my dad actually built the cubbies when he was in high school and we painted them to match. I am really sentimental about them and I tend to re-purpose and refinish things like this. Not only is it cheaper than going out and buying all new things, it adds character and history. My boys love hearing that their beloved papa made them!</div>
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I love our changing pad cover; it is so bright and happy. The kids always stared at the circles when I changed them.</div>
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I used just a standard bin from Target as an organizer and used my old lamp from high school for extra lighting since the scale was right. I don't have a lot of stainless anymore, but was so glad I kept this since it matches the drawer pulls on the dresser. The big leaf is actually a place mat I found at Walmart about 7 years ago. I can't believe it has held up; it made for a fun and cheap accessory along with the Disney Lion King figure that was randomly in some stuff my mom had from when we were kids that I decided my boys needed :)</div>
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This is a close up of the photo over the changing table. I wanted some fun artwork that made me smile (especially at 2 am!) and I couldn't think of anything sweeter than a mama giraffe and her baby for my baby. Jack loves it and even when he could just talk would say, "Mama kiss baby!"</div>
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I used two more of the place mat leaves clipped up with the sheer curtains as kind of a valence. The furniture is all low so it helped give it some height and helps the eye transition to the mural on the ceiling.</div>
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The glow in the dark paint has been wonderful; I never worry if plastic glow in the dark stars are going to fall and a baby is going to eat them. The small lamp charges it at night and the boys love to lie down and look at it glow. It is definitely dramatic, but I am so glad that I did it. Check out the <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2012/06/in-jungle-part-1.html" target="_blank">tutorial</a> for part 1 of this post if you want to make one too. It is surprisingly really easy!</div>
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And yes, since we live in the South, that ceiling fan is mandatory! Thanks for looking and hope you have just as much fun decorating and re-purposing on a budget as I did! I'd love to hear about any of your projects too in the comments!</div>
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S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-88206639618341881832014-02-26T15:02:00.001-05:002014-06-22T21:51:45.032-04:00Getting Our Feet WetEmbarrassingly enough, I actually kinda sorta forgot about my blog for a while. And by a while, I mean for about 6 months...<br />
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These past few months have been challenging and amazing and truly demanded all of my attention. At the time of my last post, we were in process of getting licensed to be foster parents. Not long afterwards, our license was granted and we got our feel wet really quickly when we were placed with a precious nearly one year old little girl for two months within weeks. I can honestly say that giving her back was one of the hardest things I have had to do and I'll probably write a post about it all later. Our county is swamped with Child Protective Services cases right now and I recently heard that there are over 500 kids in foster care here. Almost immediately, we started getting calls for other kids. The week we were placed with our current foster daughter, I got four calls asking me if I would take kids. I'm only licensed to be able to take one child right now, otherwise I probably would have more. It is probably a good thing though, since I really have my hands full at the moment with our three boys and our sweet little infant girl whom we have had for four months now. I can't really give details about her, but she has some major health issues (thankfully doing really well!) and taking care of her and working with social services has become really like a big part time job. Our boys are all doing great and absolutely love her and are passionate about what we are doing. I dearly want to raise them to be men who see the needs of others around them and are willing to step up and do something about it. We try to shelter them from the bulk of information about the situations we are involved in, but it is important they grow up knowing that others are far less fortunate than us.<br />
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I wrote before about why we are doing this <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2013/05/but-hes-good.html" target="_blank">here</a>, and while I really truly still feel that way about it, I can honestly say I am even more passionate about it now even though it has truly been difficult. Even though you talk about it in training and you know it is a reality, nothing can truly prepare you for handing a child back. There is also nothing that can truly prepare you for seeing (and knowing that you had a part in) a family being put back together that was on the brink of implosion. While it is a lot of work, I don't really see it as a big deal because we are just reaching out and meeting a need in our community. It really isn't that different from what the early church did: they gave to each other to make sure that everyone had their needs met. My plan, at least right now while I think I actually have time to do it, is to write more about foster care and a lot of the issues about it. I'll be tagging these posts to make it easy for people to find them and if you know someone who might find them useful, please go ahead and share them! We've had a lot of friends ask us about what we are doing and how to get started with it themselves so I know there is a big need for this sort of discussion. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am that some people I know are considering doing this too because the need is so great and it is so worth it! It is an incredible way to serve and be a light to the world. I really think making a difference is something everyone can do no matter where they are. Choosing to make a difference, in any way, makes all the difference!<br />
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In honor of foster parenting, this is my list of truly humorous things people have actually said to me (and my inward responses ;)! ). And yes, it is crucially important to keep a sense of humor with all of the drama involved!<br />
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<li>In regards to my two year old son and 1 year old foster daughter, "Are they twins?" <em>Did you not notice that significant size difference... and the fact that one is blond and blue eyed and the other biracial?</em></li>
<li>"Are you breast feeding her?"<em> Pretty sure that would be frowned upon by social services...</em></li>
<li>"How was your pregnancy?" <em>Easiest one I had given I didn't know about this baby until a month after she was born.</em></li>
<li>"She looks just like you!" and "She has your eyes!" and "Your kids all look alike!<em>" Purely coincidence but I don't want to explain so "smile and nod"!</em></li>
<li>At the hospital answering a nurse's questionnaire: "Is there any situation at home a social worker could help you with?" <em>Ummm...... </em></li>
<li>After asking some kids and their mom to not touch the baby a week after she was released from hospital: "You just had her and are back at work ALREADY?" <em>Yay! I don't look like I just had a baby!</em></li>
<li>"Is that the same baby you had last week?" <em>Musical babies hehe! I'm confusing everyone around here!</em></li>
<li>"What country did you adopt her from?"<em> Ummm... I think I need to be more clear what foster care actually is.</em></li>
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Have a wonderful day and hope you get the chance to make a difference today!<br />
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<strong><em>Please come check out more on this topic at my new site, </em></strong><a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><strong><em>Uncommon Grace</em></strong></span></a><strong><em>!</em></strong>S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-40681834563010563472013-05-27T22:29:00.001-04:002014-03-05T07:52:56.981-05:00Mirror MirrorIt is hard for me to believe, but we just reached the five year mark of being in our house! We've done quite a few house projects since Brian is incredibly handy and in a strange sort of way, random projects seem to qualify as date night for us! One project that I've wanted to do since we moved in though is to replace the big builder mirror in our master bathroom with two framed mirrors so it would look a little more special. Our house has all white cabinets with white plastic laminate counter tops so it looks kind of "blah" so the mirror seemed like an easy fix to give it some extra personality. However, I fully acknowledge this is totally a first world problem since even though I might wish I had nicer counters, they still work great and look really clean. I found a couple mirrors that I loved at Target on clearance for only $30 apiece so I thought it might be time to give it a try!<br />
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Brian took down the old mirror. It was glued to the wall since it is so close to the window casings that there was no room for the builder to slide it into tracks that they sometimes use. To get it down, he used a hammer and had at it! Let's just say the kids were horrified since this qualifies as something that we've told them to never ever do...<br />
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Underneath, we found wall paper from the previous owners! Apparently the builder had installed it since it was under the mirror. Got to love the mid 90's colors! As a side note, whenever a builder has installed wallpaper, be <em>very</em> <em>very</em> careful peeling it! Typically, they don't always do it right and prime first which means the paper is glued directly to the drywall. If this is the case, it is incredibly easy to peel chunks of drywall off. This was the case in our powder room and so we just papered over it rather than replace all of the drywall because it was so damaged. We peeled this paper really carefully and then Brian puttied over it to repair the damage. Then we decided that it was too damaged since the layers of drywall had separated from the weight of the mirror and kept puffing up no matter how much we tried to repair. So we went to plan B.<br />
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We had to replace the drywall. We've never actually done a piece this big before so it was a new one on our home repair list! Brian cut out the dry wall piece which really confused Luke. A couple weeks ago we discovered what Luke has been doing with his bedroom door closed: there was a softball sized hole in the drywall behind his door that he was slowly enlarging and hiding toys in. Why? We never got a straight answer, but suffice it to say, it seemed to make sense in his five year old mind... Never a dull moment around here!<br />
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With the edges mudded and the screw holes puttied and sanded so the new wall was perfectly smooth, we primed and painted. We had extra paint from when we painted the bathroom a few years ago. As a random tip, we use the same paint colors in multiple places in the house so it makes it easier when retouching things since there aren't too many colors to work with (but be careful since we accidentally used the wrong color once and had splotches all over the house! It was kind of funny though!). We also used the same color, Valspar Milestone, in the nursery for the jungle theme where I painted a mural on the ceiling<a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2012/06/in-jungle-part-1.html" target="_blank"> here</a>.<br />
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The finished product came out looking so much more spa-like and so much more special than the builder basic mirror that covered the whole wall. When our 7 year old came in and saw it, Ethan exclaimed, "It's so beautiful!" I have to agree and thanks for all of your work, Bri! Love you!<br />
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<br />S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-49527454130304753962013-05-21T18:15:00.001-04:002014-06-22T21:50:30.757-04:00But He's GoodI have to apologize for my six month hiatus in letting my site go dark with absolutely no explanation. Brian and I have been really busy due to a huge decision that we made in the fall and it hasn't been quite time to share it yet until now. <br />
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While it doesn't make a lot of sense on the surface, we really feel like we are supposed to become foster parents. I know, we already have three little boys, live in a three bedroom house and I have fibromyalgia. And oh yeah, I just turned 30 years old. Definitely not your typical foster parent profile. But, I can't get away from it and I know that if I don't do it, I'm going to regret it. Sometimes God calls us to do things that don't make outward sense because that is where He works best. God doesn't work in the ways that we expect and I always think back to one of my favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis, "Safe?... Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good." Truth is, I'm scared to death because I have no real idea about what we are about to step into, no idea when that call will come and who that precious child is that is about to appear on my doorstop. But, God is good and if this is what He wants for our family, we are going to do it.<br />
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It has been a really long process that started in the fall. We've had months of training, doctor's physicals, interviews, and even a fire inspection. There were several home visits with social workers and in true Payne family ironic style, the day before our first home visit with our social worker, Luke decided to climb on the shopping cart while we were looking for a lockable medicine case (another requirement) and pulled down the whole thing... with Jackson in it. Jackson bumped his head, got a bloody nose and had a huge lump and black eye for the social worker. If that wasn't enough, Luke also decided that afternoon, he needed to turn on the ceiling fan and then climb into the top bunk of his bunk bed which resulted in a ceiling fan blade shaped bruise across his forehead. Luckily, our social worker has a sense of humor. Never mind that we hadn't had so much as a paper cut for weeks, but seriously, this is how my boys like to roll!<br />
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Our paperwork is now in the hands of the state and we should be officially approved next month and we'll get our paper license in July and so we can expect to get a placement in August. I am so incredibly thankful for all the support we've gotten from friends and family as we embark on this new adventure in faithfulness. <br />
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There have been a lot of questions people have asked me about what we are doing and so I'll attempt to answer them here. We do have control over who we will take; we are planning on taking in someone Luke's age or younger since we think Ethan needs to stay the oldest and we don't care what race our new child is. We will take either a boy or a girl and are definitely open to adopting him or her should they become legally free. I WILL get attached to our new precious child and it is going to be heart-wrenching to have to give them up should that be the case. I've had a lot of people tell me that they wouldn't be able to do foster care because they would get attached and there is unfortunately an assumption that we shouldn't get attached because of the pain that it will cause. The problem with that is it means that I'm withholding love and that is the best part of me; I am who I am today because of love given to my by family, friends, mentors and God. That is something I can't deny anybody let alone a precious child I have been entrusted with, biologically mine or not. Sure it will hurt and it is scary and not the safe thing to do, but He's good and I am trusting that He is big enough to handle it. It is just my job to be faithful with what I've been given.<br />
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We feel so incredibly blessed with everything that we've been given and want to share it with someone who truly needs it. I have been totally humbled by our kids' response to our decision to do foster care: they have been on the same page with Brian and me and are so excited to meet their new brother or sister. We would really appreciate your prayers as we do this for wisdom, energy for me, patience for all of us and most importantly, prayer for our new child. While we might not have them long, the truth is that none of us really knows how long we have together so we want to make the most of the time that we are given and make as big of an impact as possible. Thanks!<br />
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<em><strong>Please come check out more on this topic on my new site, </strong></em><a href="http://uncommongrace.net/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><em><strong>Uncommon Grace</strong></em></span></a><em><strong>!</strong></em>S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-62212442272189327202012-11-09T15:20:00.002-05:002014-03-05T07:55:39.851-05:00"Break Free"With drop in temperatures combined with the rain from Hurricane Sandy, it is really difficult to type today. While my hands have fortunately been doing a little better lately, it has still been a challenge to do all my normal stuff thanks to my fibromyalgia. I find it really ironic that it has decided to settle into my hands making it almost impossible to move my fingers some days, especially when I want to write. And yet, I feel so thankful since I have nothing worse to deal with unlike so many others.<br />
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Despite the pain and difficulty, I really wanted to write today (or more accurately, these several days since it has taken me that long to type out this post since my fingers will only let me do a few lines at a time). The past few weeks have been hugely encouraging for me in regards to my fibro.<br />
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First of all, my brother gave me an amazing book a while ago called <i>Break Free</i> written by an awesome woman, Mary Henderson, who chronicled her journey as she learned how to live with this disease. I immediately identified with her story and her message of trying to live as healthily as possible: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Although I had it for years prior, I was only 18 years old when I was officially diagnosed with fibro and I struggled to reconcile my health with the life that I had always planned for myself. Even though it has been more than a decade, I still struggle with the reality of living with a chronic illness and the book reminded me of the bigger picture. I'm going to have Brian read it since he's been living this fibro battle with me and I think spouses of chronically ill people almost have a harder time. They don't get the direct sympathy of everyone else and they are stuck watching someone they love suffer through something they can't change. They get all the consequences by proxy... It deals so much with the problem of pain that I think people with a chronic illness or anyone who knows someone with one should read it. If you are interested in it, you can pick up a copy <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Break-Free-Journey-Through-Chronic/dp/1449705111/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352145995&sr=8-1&keywords=break+free+mary+henderson" target="_blank">here</a>. What is more, my really good friend, Kelly, met Mary Henderson this summer when they were working together and thought of me and also brought me home a book, independently. Mary was so sweet and passed along her contact info to me and felt so blessed to get a chance to talk with her. I really appreciated her taking time out of her day to give me a call; it was incredibly encouraging and I'm putting up her website as one of my favorite sites since I hope it will help others as much as it has helped me. It seemed like such a God- thing since two people who know me well independently thought that I needed it!<br />
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The second encouraging thing lately came in the form of a new friend, Jennifer. She is absolutely precious; even though we are in the same small group at church, we hadn't gotten to talk much until last week. I shared about how I have been struggling with my fibro since it tends to be harder in the fall with all the drops in temperature and Jennifer offered to help in anyway she could. It was so incredibly humbling to have someone so selflessly offer and just to have someone come over and hang out with me was the best gift; fibro can be so isolating since so much of my life seems to be devoted to my responsibilities that the first thing to give is my relationships and there are some weeks, I only end seeing people at church when I run out of energy for anything else. I really appreciated her friendship and am so thankful for someone who is so considerate and real as she is!<br />
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It seems like there has been a huge theme in my life lately about community between Mary Henderson and my friend Jennifer. The ironic part is having people pour into me makes me just want to go invest myself in other people more and focus less on what I can't do, but rather what I can. And sometimes, all it takes is a conversation to really be there for someone else.S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-33907680982297518342012-10-18T22:14:00.000-04:002014-03-05T07:56:33.300-05:00Halloween: Angry Birds Style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last year, we decided it would be really fun to dress up thematically for Halloween. At least, I decided that would be fun while the boys would still go for it and Brian would humor me. I've been looking back nostalgically this year since the boys thought it was so fun dressing up as a group that they want to do it again this year just this time Avengers style. This means, however, that being the only girl, I automatically get to be Black Widow with the cat suit as I accompany a miniature Hulk, Captain America and Thor around the neighborhood. I'm somewhat doubtful that would be as cute as last year's white angry bird costume on me!<br />
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So many people asked me though how I made last year's costumes that I thought I would share it since it was really easy, and as I usually strive for, really economical. <br />
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I picked up $2 tees at the local craft store and a coordinating piece of felt for each (except fort the baby- we just taped felt to his onesie!). I cut the felt into ovals and hot glued it on. The hats are just cheap beanies from Walmart using craft foam cut into the shapes, hot glued together and tacked on with needle and threat. It was really easy since I used a can to trace the circles and the beaks are just a folded diamond shape to get them to point downwards. Tacking took extra time but it meant the beanies could stretch without ripping the glue off. The pumpkins are the green ones for $1 at Walmart and we transformed them into pigs using more of the craft foam and hot glue. I made the ears by cutting out a thick U shape so the ends of the U acted like tabs to glue onto the pumpkins hence giving our pigs ears. All in all, I think I spent about $25 at most for all of us!<br />
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So, I'll let you know if I end up dressing up as the Avengers with the boys... S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-81717243321840031282012-10-09T13:19:00.002-04:002014-03-05T07:57:28.565-05:00"Funny" Fish Tacos<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As many of my friends and family have heard me bemoan, Mexican food is pretty hard to come by were we live in the South. And by Mexican food, I mean things that actually resemble what I ate when I was in Mexico and when we used to live in Southern California. We've had to explain what a tamale is ("no, you don't eat the corn husk"), fish is actually normal in a taco, and chile rellanos are not smothered in velveeta. We've found a couple good places, but I have been attempting to create healthy versions of some of our favorites.<br />
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I cook a lot since it so much cheaper to feed our three ravenous boys healthily. I've been working on healthy and quick recipes that I can easily make in about half an hour since between homework, soccer and bath time with our crew, nights are pretty busy! So last night I came up with a new recipe for healthy fish tacos:<br />
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6 tilapia fillets (divided for 12 tacos)<br />
1 cup flour<br />
1 egg<br />
cumin<br />
chili powder<br />
paprika<br />
celery seed<br />
salt <br />
pepper<br />
tortillas<br />
diced red onion<br />
shredded cabbage<br />
salsa<br />
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I split each fillet into two in preparation for breading. Into the cup of flour spread out on a plate, I added my spices, about a teaspoon of each with just a little salt and pepper. I mixed it up and coated each piece of fish with egg and then the flour mixture and placed it in a pyrex to bake for 20-25 minutes at 350 degree rather than frying it to make it healthier. We made tacos and topped them with onion, shredded cabbage and salsa. I made Mexican rice and sauteed some bell peppers and onions to go with it. It smelled so good and I was so proud of how it turned out that I took a photo thinking that I could put it up on my blog with my recipe (amazing how pride goes before the fall, right!).<br />
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We sat down, prayed and began to eat. And it was terrible. <br />
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The fish was bad.<br />
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The recipe was great, but no matter how good the recipe it, it can never atone for bad ingredients. Sadly, Brian and I realized it was bad after Ethan ate a ton and he spent the rest of the evening with a stomach ache and Brian went and picked up Little Ceasers pizza. We at least got the pizza with veggies, such was our attempt to be healthy after our foiled fish taco attempt. <br />
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So, perfection in the motherhood department evaded me again! I think that is why I am such a big fan of grace and the verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that says "My grace is sufficient for you..." As much as I try and stuff doesn't go quite as planned, it is okay. I'll be trying again later this week (with new fish of course!) since it actually tasted really good other than the weird fishyness. I'll post an update later about the soon to be successful version!<br />
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But, I've been left wondering, what would have happened had a TV chef encountered the same fateful bad fish? I'd love to see their out-takes; it probably looked like my dinner table last night! S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-78081428633997463232012-08-26T20:41:00.000-04:002014-03-05T07:58:01.947-05:00Remember to Back Up!Not too long ago, I wrote about how my computer crashed and refused to be resuscitated back to life. What I didn't write about was how I had forgotten to back up my hard drive. For a very long time.<br />
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Did I mention that I have been writing two books?<br />
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As it appears, my hard drive was messed up with whatever happened with the computer and all my data is now inaccessible with almost no hope of recovery. Fortunately, I had most of the kids' pictures backed up on (thanks, Shutterfly!) but my books are gone. One of them, a book on theology, I have been working on for several years. The other one, a fictional story, was newer but represented hours and hours of work nonetheless.<br />
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It is easy to say that the immediate lesson from this is to always back up your data. I can guarantee that I will not be making this mistake again, but I think my pain in this episode of my stupidity has a deeper root. <br />
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Those books have been a labor of love for a very long time that I have been dreaming about completing. It has been slow going because since my fibromyalgia has moved into my hands, writing has become increasingly difficult since some, if not most days, I can barely move my fingers. I don't mean this as a sob story in the slightest since my fibro is what it is, really, and I know that God has a huge purpose behind it. In fact, it changed my life in some amazing ways. All I mean is that it just makes things harder and so the thought of recreating and retyping out about a hundred pages of very technical and complicated text is daunting, so daunting that it almost makes me want to hang up the towel with those ideas. I've been feeling a bit lost with the loss of my work. Therein lies my problem that I think is common to more people than just me. I think it easy to see ourselves as what we do and place too much of our own personal value in that rather than in Christ.<br />
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I think there is a big part of me that really wanted to be a "real" writer rather than "just" a blogger with a smattering of other random by-lines. Like somehow, actually publishing something makes me more worthwhile... As I write that it is so clear how silly it is when the truth is that Christ died for us while we were still dead in our transgressions (Ephesians 2:5) and it is by grace that we have been saved. Seriously, our identities have to be firmly based in Christ rather than on anything else otherwise we fall into the trap of trying to do things based on our own merits. Everything we do is supposed to be done in worship for God rather than something that makes us feel good about ourselves.<br />
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Ironically, this is a big part of what one of the books was about. Apparently, I have not learned that lesson well enough yet so God thinks I need to rewrite it! I'm already working on those chapters again and hopefully this will remind others to find their value in Christ alone. And back up their data ;-)<br />
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I'd also really appreciate any prayers too as I attempt to rewrite everything, especially for my fibro since that makes life a bit interesting! Thanks so much and hope you can enjoy the grace of Christ!S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-62618339908071290412012-08-16T18:11:00.004-04:002014-03-05T07:58:21.451-05:00Pear Decorating Fail<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My parents have been doing some really fun renovations to their home lately which has gotten me thinking about mine. Maybe it is a combination of wanting to decorate for fall or feeling like I'm living in the Star Wars and Lego aisles at a toy store, but whatever the reason, I have felt inspired to see what I can do to freshen up the house and make it look like a girl actually lives here. With our food budget skyrocketing as all three of my boys have decided to go on a growth spurt at the same time, I clearly needed to be cheap about it too.<br />
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I was putting away groceries when I noticed how pretty the pears I bought were. The kiddos have been on a fruit binge; awesome since it is summer and fruit is much cheaper and healthier which is why I bought a huge bag of unripe pears to last for the next week. Usually if I buy the fruit ripe it lasts for all of two days before it mysteriously disappears and as I was trying to avoid a second trip to the grocery store this week, buying it unripe seemed like the thing to do at the time. <br />
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So there I was trying to figure out where to hide the unripe pears when a fabulous decorating idea hit me. Since the pears had a while before we entered the fruit fly attracting stage, why not use them as a really pretty coffee table center piece!<br />
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I was so proud of myself about how pretty they looked. Until I left the kids in the living room unattended so I could cook dinner.<br />
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After dinner I walked back in a tripped over a pear. On the floor. As in, not in the bowl...<br />
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The rock hard piece of fruit had been gnawed on.<br />
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I guess I forgot that I have a 13 month old who loves fruit and is teething.<br />
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It looked like Baby Jack Jack had been sorely disappointed that it wasn't actually edible yet and abandoned it on the rug before moving on the the next more exciting event of attempting to climb the stairs. Clearly, my expectations of home decorating did not match the reality (i.e. chaos) of our situation. I think God is attempting to teach me to be more patient and not to put fruit down low. I have now decided that there a many things much more important than a perfectly arranged coffee table. Like being able to laugh at what the baby does. <br />
<br />S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-19436092717241446022012-07-16T22:51:00.001-04:002014-03-22T23:19:16.039-04:00Technical Difficulties<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I really have to apologize since it may well appear that I have dropped off the face of the planet since it has been several weeks since I last posted. Despite my intentions of posting at least once I week, I have failed. Shortly after I wrote the last post, my computer decided to stage a grand rebellion by way of turning off unexpectedly when my husband was trying to sync iTunes with my iPod for me. For his kind gesture, he was rewarded with a very long ordeal of trying to get the thing to turn on again. It did not want to. After several diagnostic attempts (which are very tricky when the computer won't even turn on, might I add), we lost all hope for its recovery when we realized the motherboard was fried. Rest in Peace, cute blue Dell laptop!<br />
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However, this has left me computerless and a bit posting-challenged. My post tonight comes courtesy of a borrowed computer (thanks, Brian!). In the meantime, I have realized that I am far too dependent on my computer. <br />
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After a several day long freak out about not being able to write, I realized that my writing is not dependent on technology. After all, people have been writing for centuries on... <em>gasp</em>... paper with pens! And apparently, I am looking for things to be really easy instead of, oh the horrors, having to actually <i>erase</i> rather than just backspace. This has confirmed that I can be a path of least resistance kind of person and I am going to attempt to use my time in computer free limbo as efficiently as possible using somewhat antiquated techniques and equipment like sharpening pencils and spiral bound notebooks. <br />
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Ironically, if you had asked me which one thing I could not live without, I would, without a doubt have answered my computer. Funny enough, I am doing okay although I will admit that I just posted on Facebook for people to call me rather than email me. The second thing that I would have said that I couldn't do without is my phone and at two years old, it is now acting really weird and telling me I have all sorts of messages when I don't. It also doesn't always ring... So facebook friends trying to call me: I'm sorry and I'm really not ignoring you! Sending me letters might be the best option! And the third thing I would say that I can't do without, my digital camera which as of last week, the display spontaneously turns magenta and vibrates like a pager when trying to focus. I was just praying that it would make it through Baby Jack Jack's first birthday cake smash. One demolished cupcake later, I breathed a sigh of relief.<br />
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I think God is trying to tell me something. All the things that I thought I couldn't live without are dropping like flies and you know what, while I am a bit frustrated, I am okay. I feel so fortunate to have been blessed to have as much as we do and amused at how much we think we must have things to get by. Just a little bit ago, I was talking about the differences between wants and needs to our boys and this has given them and me a big object lesson. Truly, these things aren't even things I <em>need</em> to survive! It has reminded me that my reactions to life's little curve balls are hugely important not just for my own spiritual well being, but for the boys as well since they are learning so much about life just from watching me. How's that for humbling perspective!<br />
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God tells us not to worry about provision in Matthew 6:26 when he says, "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-23309B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>Are you not of more value than they?" (ESV). God knows what we need and will take care of us and when I worry about things, I'm not trusting Him. I should be dependent on Him for my needs instead of clinging desperately to things that keep breaking. It's not wrong to like and appreciate the things He has given us, but we need to remember that they came from Him.<br />
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So in the meantime, I am hoping that God determines that I have learned my lesson and the number 4 item on my list doesn't go too. That and I need to go budget for a new camera since I really don't want to miss another photo opportunity of my boys doing something hysterical since with three little guys, we laugh a ton around here. And while old,<a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2010/11/starbucks-we-have-problem.html" target="_blank"> this</a> and<a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2010/07/concept-grasped-execution-elusive.html" target="_blank"> this</a> will hopefully make you smile...<br />
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And I hope to not disappear for so long again in my "technical difficulties"!S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-91511792747345627492012-06-21T17:02:00.000-04:002014-03-05T08:00:54.453-05:00An Answer to PrayerNot too long ago, I wrote about all the struggles I have been having in parenting our second son, Luke in my post, <em><a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2012/06/courageous-parenting.html" target="_blank">Courageous Parenting</a></em>. Since then, I've been praying like mad for him. We've had some good days and some not so good ones (which are, sad to say, usually very funny given his mischievous personality!) But yesterday, everything changed; it was the best day!<br />
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Luke decided to ask for forgiveness from God and has chosen to follow Jesus with his life!<br />
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There's not much better than that in this world! After weeks of saying he doesn't care about rules and that he wants to be bad and do things his way, he made the best choice of his life. I'm not saying all is said and done with him now since my precious Luke still has a lot of growing to do (as we all do, though) but he is now on the right track.<br />
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Luke has always been one to trust in his own abilities to figure out all of life's problems. Some notable examples of this have been when he wanted to climb on top of the armoire by jumping on my bed to swing on the ceiling fan over to it. He was going to use cushions to make sure he didn't get hurt. Luke told me he would wear a helmet when he wanted to climb a tree. He plans on biting anyone who tries to kidnap him; I have scars that prove this would be a singularly effective defence. Yesterday, he told me that he had figured out death. His plan: Jesus would raise him from the dead like he did with Lazarus and how He did after His death on the cross.<br />
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While I did appreciate his biblical knowledge, I had to explain there were some fundamental problems with that plan. First, Lazarus died again and stayed dead that time and Jesus is God so is therefore not bound by death. Very rarely does it happen, but Luke got that look of deep concern in his eyes when he realizes all is not going along with his plan. <br />
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With his illusion of control shattered, he, for the first time listened when I explained how we need grace and forgiveness and why following Jesus is the only way to get it and it is the best thing for us. Deep conversation while we were matching socks and folding laundry together! So when I asked him if that was something that he wanted to do, he ran away. Not the response I was hoping for so I called after him asking again. Still silence.<br />
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About a minute later, he ran back into the dining room smiling from ear to ear. "I did it! I prayed to God and told Him that I want to follow Jesus!"<br />
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Was totally not expecting that reason for the silence! Luke decided that it was time so he just went and prayed all by himself! "You told God you are sorry for all the bad things you have done?!" I asked.<br />
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"Oops! I forgot!" and he disappeared again into the living room for another minute.<br />
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He came back with a ton of questions about God and I did the best to give him the four year old answers. Luke wanted to know where God is and I explained that it is a little different since God is spirit and doesn't have a body like we do but that He is in heaven and now, since he decided to follow Him, God is in his heart. Luke smiled and said, "I know; I can feel Him!"<br />
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It makes me cry with joy since I have been really worried about Luke these past few weeks (and year...) and I feel so blessed to have been able to see the huge answer to my prayers for him.S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-17653585537707026572012-06-19T14:56:00.003-04:002014-02-27T10:45:54.134-05:00A New Title!Upon some reflection, I realized that I started writing this blog more than two years ago and I now have done over 100 posts. Absolutely crazy how time has flown! I've been getting a little annoyed with my title though since I haven't felt like it really describes what I am writing about as much anymore since I started out writing about the funny stuff that happens in my life and the lessons I've learned from it. While I still do this at times and with three boys, how could I not?! (And as a side note, about five seconds after I wrote that line, Luke kicked Ethan in the face and gave him a black eye. Why? Because he wanted to play with him. Makes perfect sense, right?) I've realized a lot of what I write about is really all encompassed in my desire to be the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to be a good wife, mom, friend and manage our household well all for the glory of God. My struggles with fibromyalgia are a huge part of it too as I want to try to do all I can given this and in spite of this disease. So many ideas I have are related to trying to stretch our money as far as possible and trying to creatively make our home for our family which is right in line with Proverbs 31. So, I decided that it was time for a new title! The Proverbs 31 Project is going to be the authentic story of my adventures of pursing the ideal of who I should be, as God created me to be. But, maybe I should say "misadventures" since I probably need to go check on that black eye again... Think it is time for the next round of ice...S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-826464886147192881.post-38868804318288187062012-06-14T18:54:00.001-04:002014-03-01T20:27:22.984-05:00In The Jungle Part 1Back in January, I was reading some old stories looking for some fun ones to read aloud to my boys when I came accross <em>The Princess and The Goblin</em> by George MacDonald. While I haven't read it to the boys yet, I was really excited about an idea in it: the main character's bedroom ceiling is painted like the night sky. Such a fun idea! Add this to the fact that while I was mulling the idea over, I saw a magazine with a bunch of "inspiring" nursery ideas and wasn't too thrilled over any of them so I felt challenged to do better.<br />
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Baby Jack Jack's nursery was exactly the same from when Luke was in there. When we moved in to the house, the bedroom was pink and all the trim, including the window mullions, was a really bright teal very similar to our <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2012/05/teal-one.html" target="_blank">house color</a>. After that, I just wanted something really soothing to go with the jungle bedding that we had. Hence the gender-neutral creamy wall color that is probably the biggest clue that I was still hoping for a daughter one day. I think I have been secretly dying to inject a huge does of personality and creativity into our house (thank, you pinterest!). When Ethan was born, Brian and I still lived in our small one bedroom apartment in SoCal and so the poor kiddo's crib was squished into a corner of the living room in an effort to keep our expenses down since I had just finished college. Pretty uninspiring. Our next place was much better since we actually had two bedrooms but the nursery was white and still fairly bland. So now, since we actually own our house now, I can do whatever I want (or more accurately, whatever I can sell to Brian...)<br />
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He took the idea fairly well. There was a lot of silence until I promised that he wouldn't have to do any of it and if it came out badly, I would repaint the ceiling white again. He did like the fact that I would be repainting the damage from where the previous owners had just painted over the wall paper and liked the idea that one day, the ceiling would transition well to the Star Wars room that seems inevitable with three boys.<br />
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I stared at blue paint for a couple weeks to make sure that the blue would go well with the creamy walls and would work with the jungle theme. <br />
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And after finding a good one, I got started. I usually don't tape since I can hold a really steady line when cutting in but painting upside down is a whole different ball game. Tape is important!<br />
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I used Valspar's Indigo Steamer in an eggshell finish so when I did the wash, it would be easier as well as have a little bit of a sheen that would look good with the stars on it. The paint I used was low VOC which is awesome for the nursery since no one wants to gas out their baby. Not good. The paint also had primer already mixed in so it only took two coats which is huge since it was just builder paint up there and so it was really thirsty. It was a little more pricey, about $32, than regular paint but worth it since it smelled less and covered better. <br />
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I bought a gallon and used two thirds of it for the just under 11' by 11' room's ceiling. <br />
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A little trick when closing the paint can so it doesn't splatter: put a plastic bag over it when hammering the lid closed. It catches it all! Because my white countertop does not need blue polka dots.<br />
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I still had some leftover of the creamy color, milestone, by Valspar from the walls to mix into the blue to do the wash. By using the wall color, it makes it pretty much a given that the tone of the wash will work with both colors. White would also work but it would have been a little more stark and not as easy to blend. Note: I made waaaaay to much paint for the wash; a cup would have been generous. I forgot how far it goes! I didn't mix the two colors completely; just swirled them to get some variation in the wash for added depth. <br />
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My mom and I did some fun paint techniques when we were decorating my parents' house and she taught me how to do a faux finish with a really wet washcloth. I found an old washcloth willing to take one for the team, soaked it with water (but not dripping) and dipped in the paint and then started having fun on the ceiling. <br />
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The great thing is that if you get too much paint on, you can just wipe it off and work it around until you like it. As you can tell, I am a huge Vincent Van Gogh <em>Starry Night</em> fan!<br />
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I looked like a smurf! Mom would have been proud ;-)<br />
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I know a lot of people really like the stick on glow in the dark stars but it made me kind of uncomfortable putting them on the ceiling of my everything-I-touch-goes-immediately-in-my-mouth baby. I thought painting them on would look a whole lot more finished too. I found glow in the dark paint at A.C. Moore for $2.50 to use instead so it will be so fun for Baby Jack Jack to stare at in the middle of the night!<br />
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In the middle of the swirls, I painted a diamond star and a six pointed one at the ends to create shooting stars. I used the wrong end of the paintbrush dipped in paint to put on all the little dotted stars following the pattern of the wash.<br />
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I can't wait to finish it off by painting the words to the song In The Jungle on the wall: "In the Jungle, The Mighty Jungle, The Lion Sleeps Tonight" to pull it all together. It seems so appropriate since I grew up singing that song at Mount Herman, a camp in Northern California, with my siblings that will always hold a special place in my heart! I sing the song all the time to my boys and have adapted it to make it a little longer and fun. The boys are confused though that everyone else "forgets" the verses about the squirrel and the camel! <br />
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When I get it finished, I'll post more pics! Sadly, it is taking more time than I would like since the last time I tried to get it done, I think <a href="http://adventuresofaneverydaygirl.blogspot.com/2012/06/courageous-parenting.html" target="_blank">I broke my toe</a> (which still hurts, by the way ;-) ) But, as an update, Luke is doing much better!<br />
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If this inspires you at all, I'd love to hear what you are doing too!<br />
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<br />S.L. Paynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837798121398117463noreply@blogger.com0