Mommy Guilt

This morning, I accidentally slammed Luke's fingers in the car door.  Ironically, we were in the parking lot for the doctors' office for Baby Jack Jack's nine month check up. 

The poor little thing had slipped his fingers into the driver's side door frame as he climbed down out of the car and was not expecting me to close my door at the instant; he now says that was his first and last time for using that method of getting out of the car.  Fortunately, his fingers just were trapped in the gasket so even though it really hurt, there was little damage done according to the "can you wiggle your fingers?" test and his fingers (thought not my ego) stopped hurting by the time we walked into the office. 

It was one of those stupid moments that I am sure that all parents have but I felt HORRIBLE over it.  So, of course, we went to McDonald's after Jack Jack's appointment to make it up to him or, more accurately, to assuage my mommy guilt. 

Then Luke told me that I needed to call my mom and tell her what I had done to him albeit accidentally.  This kid has a very strong sense of justice I realized given that he decided that my mom would "get me in trouble" and he thought this was hilarious.  We left a message for my mom detailing our mishap.  Don't know if she has listened to it yet so I haven't been able to ask if she was able to hear the profound giggling coming from her grandson in the background. 

He also asked me to call his grandpa, three uncles and an aunt and let them know what he had been though since he is apparently very proud of it. 

It reminds me how thankful I am for Grace.  In a moment when I think I have it all together and am being a good mom taking my nine month old, freshly scrubbed and in a cute outfit to the doctor to report on all his milestones, I am reminded about how, in a lot of ways, being a "good" mommy is just an illusion because it can melt away as quickly as a car door shuts. 

I care so much about being a good mom and loving on my three musketeers that it is particularly painful when I don't do the best job much less be responsible for actually hurting one of them.  Hence my appreciate of Grace.  God has given us a tremendous gift of Grace through Jesus's death on the cross and if He can forgive me, I need to be able to do the same.  I realized in our incident today that being able to say I'm sorry is a huge example to the boys and gives them a chance to understand and give grace.  Funny how good can come from a parenting mistake.