Courageous Parenting

Things have been interesting lately.  Monday night, I think I might have broken my toe.  I slipped in a puddle (of water, thankfully!) Luke made in the bathroom while I was trying in vain to clean up the blue paint he dumped on the carpet. He "spilled" because he was mad at me for fussing at him for biting his brother, whom he was taking out his aggression on after I lectured him.  This said lecture was for my feisty four year old screaming, "I DON'T LOVE YOU!!!".  That outburst was in response to me asking him to clean his room. 

The Architect's Wife



Brian and I have been married now for almost nine years and as his wife, I have become immersed in the world of architecture.  Here are some lay person's architectural observations, or if you are like me, how you know you are married to an architect:

-There is a profound difference between flashing and streaking... If you do one, your building is water-repellent.  If you do the other one, you get arrested and your video ends up on you-tube.

-Architects don't do math contrary to public opinion.  That is why there are structural engineers.

-Some days, architects do nothing but color.

-Architects all have stories about themselves or someone else they knew in school who suffered some egregious injury with some cutting tool that happened because they were sleep deprived.  Like the guy who tried to cut a small two inch chunk of wood with a huge power saw.  Let's just say that didn't end well.  In Brian's case, cut his finger with an x-acto blade down to the bone and went around showing all his friends his bone before realizing he probably shouldn't see his bone and promptly passed out.

-Architects always look up when walking into a new building, or as they say, space.  It is really funny to see when there is a large group gathered for some event.

-It is perfectly okay in architectural circles to call up a mechanical engineer and as how big his "unit" is. 

-A required uniform in architecture is the ubiquitous turtleneck with sport coat.  If you ever see anyone wearing this, they are almost certainly an architect.

-Architects don't get paid nearly what you think they do.  I did some sociological research on high school students once and those that wanted to become architects expected to be making in the $100,00 to $200,000 range right out of school.  Brian and his coworkers laughed for a week. 

-If there is a deadline coinciding with an incoming snowstorm, the majority of people on the project will opt to be snowed in at the office rather than their homes even going so far as bringing sleeping bags and camping gear.  Hence the term architecture widows.

-There is a right way to put on shutters.  This is not it:

-Concrete and cement are not synonymous. 

-People assume we live in some amazing architectural spectacle of a home.  No, our house looks just like the other ones in the tract.  This is typical.  And yes, living in tract homes does annoy them.

-Architects laugh when they see commercials with architects in them with actual blue drawings.  Blue prints have not been widely used for 15 years.  In fact, paper sets of drawings are starting to be phased out on big projects.   Our kids love the printouts, though, since they make really fun and huge coloring sheets!

Weekly Menu Planning Fun

I have had a long running problem that has somehow turned into a running joke.  I, extremely frequently, forget to take food out of the freezer to defrost in time for dinner.  It is to the point that when I call Brian at work with the "I messed up" tone, he immediately asks me if I did it again which the answer is most often "yes".  Cheap take out is the answer to feeding our ravenous family on those nights which is neither very healthy or very economical.  As Brian and I have been working on our budget, I have been trying to stretch our money as far as possible so these unexpected (relatively though, since it happens all the time!) trips out for food was adding up and something I decided needed to end.  I have committed to being a better meal planner, or more accurately, more advanced meal planner!  To help keep it all straight and to help keep people from eating things that are part of an upcoming dinner, I made a menu board for really cheap since that is also a huge value.

I wanted something really cute rather than just a plain whiteboard or piece of note paper since, as girls know, if something is cute, we will use it more.  So, I headed to Walmart since they have the cheapest frames around that still look nice.  I picked up two for $3 apiece and a package of three dry erase markers for $3.50 and walked out for $10 for two projects.  When I finish the other one, I'll post it too!  I used a few craft supplies that I already had but I think most people have some extra glue sticks and scrapbook/construction paper saved somewhere.

The Teal One

The last couple of weeks have been incredibly busy for us and I have neglected a good part of what I usually do around the house.  I got sick twice (thank you very much, fibromyalgia) and we went with Brian's family on a trip to the beach so now that we are home and I am feeling a bit better today, I began to notice everything that has to be done.  Hence today, after church, when we were coming into our house this afternoon I saw how bad the siding is by our front door.

 I love our house but the siding has been a source of stress for us; it is really shoddy and basically rotting all over even though it isn't that old.  We really wish we could have a contractor replace it all with some new fiber cement board but that runs about $12,000. This is about 99% more than we have in our house repairs fund since we just had to replace our air conditioning unit.  Oh, the joys of home ownership.  Our alternative to replacing it all at once is for Brian and me to do it ourselves one section at a time. 

So, when I saw how bad the siding looked, I decided to inspect it to see how rotten it is and if this is going to be the section we start with.  I started pushing on it to see how soft it was...

Ooooops...  My finger went right through it thus in my attempt to figure out how much damage there is, I inadvertently created more damage.  And yes, that is an accurate representation of how teal my house is.

I think that because Brian is an architect, I tend to feel somewhat empowered when it comes home maintenance.  He knows very well how stuff is put together and how to fix it.  I have absorbed a lot of information over the years from him and now it seems that this has created a sense of overconfidence hence the hole in the siding.  We will see how this plays out as we attempt to fix it ourselves or rather, Brian fixes it and I attempt to help.

As silly as it sounds, my main reason for wanting to do all the siding at once was so that we could repaint the house (hopefully the photo explains my intense desire to do this).  It is an enormous amount of teal!  It had just been painted when we bought it a few years ago and so repainting would have just been vanity.   I had hoped for a nice, really light creamy green-gray color but it looks like it will be staying teal.  I am pretty sure that the association would frown upon painting individual sections of it my desired color while the rest of it remains teal over the weeks and months we replace the siding.  I also came to realize that God has provided an amazing house for us to live in and it is really demanding of me to insist that it should be a different color when it is really expensive to change it and there are so many better uses for that money, even if I had it to spend on this.  That being said, the color has definitely grown on me since I first exclaimed, "The TEAL one!" when Brian told me that he had found the house we were going to buy and it does fit in well with our neighborhood.  The biggest benefit, though, is when I am giving directions to people coming over for the first time.  Nobody has ever missed the "teal house on the right"!

Mommy Guilt

This morning, I accidentally slammed Luke's fingers in the car door.  Ironically, we were in the parking lot for the doctors' office for Baby Jack Jack's nine month check up. 

The poor little thing had slipped his fingers into the driver's side door frame as he climbed down out of the car and was not expecting me to close my door at the instant; he now says that was his first and last time for using that method of getting out of the car.  Fortunately, his fingers just were trapped in the gasket so even though it really hurt, there was little damage done according to the "can you wiggle your fingers?" test and his fingers (thought not my ego) stopped hurting by the time we walked into the office. 

It was one of those stupid moments that I am sure that all parents have but I felt HORRIBLE over it.  So, of course, we went to McDonald's after Jack Jack's appointment to make it up to him or, more accurately, to assuage my mommy guilt. 

Then Luke told me that I needed to call my mom and tell her what I had done to him albeit accidentally.  This kid has a very strong sense of justice I realized given that he decided that my mom would "get me in trouble" and he thought this was hilarious.  We left a message for my mom detailing our mishap.  Don't know if she has listened to it yet so I haven't been able to ask if she was able to hear the profound giggling coming from her grandson in the background. 

He also asked me to call his grandpa, three uncles and an aunt and let them know what he had been though since he is apparently very proud of it. 

It reminds me how thankful I am for Grace.  In a moment when I think I have it all together and am being a good mom taking my nine month old, freshly scrubbed and in a cute outfit to the doctor to report on all his milestones, I am reminded about how, in a lot of ways, being a "good" mommy is just an illusion because it can melt away as quickly as a car door shuts. 

I care so much about being a good mom and loving on my three musketeers that it is particularly painful when I don't do the best job much less be responsible for actually hurting one of them.  Hence my appreciate of Grace.  God has given us a tremendous gift of Grace through Jesus's death on the cross and if He can forgive me, I need to be able to do the same.  I realized in our incident today that being able to say I'm sorry is a huge example to the boys and gives them a chance to understand and give grace.  Funny how good can come from a parenting mistake.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

It seems hard to believe that we have been living in our house now for four years.  Brian and I moved from Southern California to the South.  There were some big adjustments to make like when ordering iced tea, "regular" is actually syrupy sweet and I had to learn that flip flops are not year round attire (people tend to laugh if they see you wearing them in January here).  Aside from the funny cultural differences and missing my family like crazy, one huge adventure has been owning a home for the first time. 

When we moved in, we embarked on some house projects and finally, I finished the most long running one this past weekend.  I had to share since I am incredibly pleased with the result though sadly, I have no before pictures to compare the finished product with so sorry!

Our downstairs powder room was in need of some attention when we bought the place owing to some dark forest green striped wall paper with a wood grain pattern over the stripe.  It had the shortest vanity that I had ever seen which was comical when 6'2 Brian tried to wash his hands.  We were in process of refinishing the floors and so, in true "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie..." style, I thought we should rip out the vanity too so the floor guys could fill in the wood flooring so I could put the pedestal sink I have always wanted. 

With that done, I moved on to peeling wall paper and, like all projects, discovered it wasn't as clear cut as it looked since the builder many years previously had glued the paper directly to the drywall and thus peeling paper meant peeling drywall.  Painting the walls my beloved red Plan A went out the window since the walls were going to be so damaged that we decided the only thing to do was to re-paper.  We have never been big wall paper people so I was thrilled when we found a red paper that I actually loved.  The powder room is crazy tiny so papering it was really funny since both Brian and I could barely fit in there at the same time.  We put in a new set of bronze fixtures (my other love besides red!) which were sorely needed since when we bought the house, there were no towel bars or toilet paper holders... am still trying to figure out how that worked with the previous owners...  We switched out the toilet too later to a water saving one (all the while carefully measuring so the door would still have clearance- yes, the room is that tiny) and replaced the rusty mini blinds with a roman shade.  I found a inexpensive black framed mirror at Target to replace the huge builder one and I love that it looks just as good as the $70 dollar ones at Lowe's but was only $25. 

All of this sounds crazy expensive but it wasn't since we all the work ourselves with the exception of the floor and Target and the Lowe's brand fixtures was pretty much all we used although when it came together, you would never know they were the basic brands. 

We finished this all a long time ago and I have been trying to figure out what should go over the toilet since that looked bare.  This spot has really been the crux of why we haven't finished yet since we just couldn't figure what should go there for the longest time.  We toyed with the idea of a family picture but thought that might be weird having people "watching" in the bathroom and I never found any artwork that I really loved that didn't just seem like a generic print.  I've been really enjoying photography lately and decided this would be a good chance to showcase a photo that I've actually taken so with some planning, I was able to shoot the restaurant, Angelo and Vinci's, which was the place Brian and I went to on our first date and where he proposed in downtown Fullerton, California.  One of the things I love most about decorating and homes is how it reflects the people who live there hence my desire to make sure that anything I put up was personal and made me happy anytime I look at it.  Since I am at home with our three boys, I definitely need calm and happy pictures!  I love how the red of the building ties in with the red and the old theater behind stands out against the sky; it reminds me of home and good times.  I was able to print it out as an 11 by 14 from Shutterfly with a coupon and then, armed with another coupon, picked up a frame at A.C. Moore this past weekend.  It took a long time to actually get it done but I am so glad that I didn't just stick any thing up there to call it done because it is so personal and so fun. 

One of my goals is to try to do as much as I can, as economically as I can in taking care of our family and making it homey.  I think some of my favorite projects have actually been some of the cheapest and have thus required the most creativity.  I love how opportunities to be creative let me make our home personal by telling our story through our photos and let me be crafty in a practical sense.  Thanks for listening about my foray into photography and decorating and my you have opportunities to be just as creative! 

Why My Kids Eat Salad

My six year old Ethan loves salad and has been known to beg me to make it for dinner.  There is a spring green salad with feta and a vinaigrette dressing that is his favorite that we pick up when we go to BJ's and the few times that they didn't have it, he was seriously disappointed.  Sometimes Ethan and I will split a salad when we go out and my husband and I notice the servers' surprised and disbelieving looks when we order it.  I get the feeling that they think we are being really optimistic about what he will eat.  After watching Ethan polish of the last bites of lettuce, one server said that was amazing and asked how we get our boys to eat like this.  In fact, I get asked that fairly frequently quite understandably since having picky kids is really tricky...

My kids didn't always eat like this.  Mac 'n cheese, chicken nuggets, PB&J's, buttered noodles and string cheese were typical kid fare when I was making "real" food for Brian and myself.  This lasted for awhile until Matthew started demanding these foods all the time and started turning down stuff that he would have liked or that he had previously liked.  At mealtimes, he started trying to put in his "order". 

I know that most of us resurrect some phrases that our parents used with us when we were growing up and I have to publicly tell my mom thanks for "I am not a restaurant!".  I grew up as the oldest of four kids all two years apart; my mom definitely had her hands full and wisely taught us to eat what was offered.  Her phrase became my go-to saying since when our second son, Luke, came along, I decided that I did not want to make multiple meals nor did I want to eat kid food on a regular basis.  This was the part that became interesting since when I quite making separate meals and started giving him healthy home-cooked meals, he decided to do what any other self-respecting two year old would do: stage a hunger strike.

After a couple days of struggling with it and begging him to eat only to have him wait until the next meal when he could get something he wanted and hence making no real progress, I realized that I would have to be a little more creative (I am so incredibly thankful for my behavioral/ clinical psychology degree now!). The next dinner, Ethan didn't touch his plate so I covered it with plastic wrap and stuck it in the fridge.  It came for breakfast the next morning and I asked him if he wanted it hot or cold.  He still didn't touch the food (it was barbecued chicken and veggies so I didn't feel like I was trying to make him eat something weird).  Any time that day he started whining that he was hungry, I offered him that food again and, as hard as it was, didn't give it and give him any other snacks.  Ethan finally ate it the following morning (score for me, since it wasn't going to be good another meal and I wasn't sure what to do since he would think that he could just outlast the food!).  Since then, he tries everything and is one of the naturally healthiest eaters that I have ever seen.  Luke tried to do the same thing later, but quickly realized that it always tastes the best the first time it appears at mealtimes and loves some of my favorite things as I wrote about here a while ago. 

They sometimes still try to put in their orders for different meals and complaining about what is for dinner so I revert back to "I'm not a restaurant!"  They giggle at my answer and that is the end of the conversation.  I still can't believe myself when they ask me to make eggplant or fish for dinner.  Hurray for peaceful family mealtimes!  Thanks again, Mom!